Highly sensitive men

I feel that being a highly sensitive person can be really difficult at times and it’s particularly difficult for me as a highly sensitive male. I think and feel deeply but I live in a world that sees men who openly express their feelings as weak, It’s difficult to relate others, I’m highly aware that I am different and I want to meet people who think and feel deeply too but they seem to hard to find ( at least in person). I never related well to other guys so I befriended women because overall, they seemed to accept me more. This inability to relate to men is something I am highly conscious of.

I also find myself being vulnerable in this public space and while some people appreciate it, a part of me feels deep shame because I am too open with my feelings and I regret that, it creates conflict within my heart and mind, it’s tiring to feel so much each day,

I do take solace in my writing and the online community of people who accept me for who I am and allow me to express myself openly and without judgment. Thanks for always being my friends, much love, Dave. 

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Freestyle poetry #83

I’m a poet with no style, I’ll sit here for a while with smile on my face, stuck in this place.

Enjoying the fresh air without a care, don’t scoff, you wouldn’t dare say a word because you couldn’t afford these rhymes that flow from out of my mind all the time.

A lyrical wordsmith as I shift into a different person without a name, after poetry, life wasnt the same but that’s the game.

Not to brag but my words are out of sight, my head in the clouds, I take a flight so I might fly away to another day, my mind is spent and I got nothing else to say. Peace. 

Poem by David Aguilera

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We are in this together

Fear overtakes me, I feel alone, stuck between these four walls; with only my anxious thoughts and the flickering lights of technology, my only window to a world that is increasingly shrinking, we are trapped in our cocoons or like a hamster in a cage; spinning that wheel just to stay sane.

Fear makes us on high alert and the answers to this puzzle fade into the contaminated air and the comfort of a hug or a pat on the back is lost, evaporated, just like our hopes.

But is there hope in this seemingly hopeless situation? The ship may be sinking but we are all in this together, holding on for dear life, we can comfort each other, erasing the division among us.

Right now, we are human beings, scared and suffering and we must love and care for each other, be a human life raft for others in the sea of disease and fear.

Love others with all of your might, comfort the sick and the anxious wrecks that are overcome with the uncertainly of an unpredictable world they cannot control.

I love you, sisters and brothers, together we will get to the shore safely if we practice precaution and love. I love you, stay safe and take care of yourselves.

 

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Coronavirus blues

It has been quite a long while since I have updated my blog, my mental health advocacy has been focused on social media and that has been thriving, I have created groups, I do live videos and collaborated on Podcasts. Also since I last updated my blog, I managed to get my college degree and continue with my volunteer work and I am currently looking for a job but now everything is put on hold due to the Coronavirus health scare.

Since Corona, everything seems to be shutting down, my volunteer work has been canceled for the time being and I stopped the job search because of the anxiety regarding going out in public. I am not sick, but due to high anxiety, I haven’t left the house since Thursday and am scared to do so, I will not out in public with any crowds, I am trying to minimize my risk but all of this is creating so much anxiety and depression with me.

I also was on a strict diet and my digestive and bladder issues were improving greatly but with store shelves empty, I may have to eat and drink what I can get, this is so frustrating. And not only is the virus itself concerning but people’s reaction to the virus is making me angry and irritable. As someone with digestive issues, I rely on items such as toilet paper, soap and gluten-free/dairy-free foods and there is a shortage of those right now. And it because of people’s selfishness that the most vulnerable and sick suffer even more. It all feels out of control and I feel helpless because there is nothing I or anyone else can but wait to see how it plays out.

The bright side is that I am reaching out to my friends online, I am continuing to speak out about mental health and use my struggles to help others, I am honest and vulnerable and reaching a lot of people, which is something  I’m proud of that. I am doing self-care, lots of music, movies, hot baths, journaling, whatever I can do to keep my sanity, I am going to try and venture out tomorrow for a nature walk, it might do me some good. I can’t continue to live in this constant anxious and depressed state, it’s no good for me. I will continue to pray and I feel at this time that it will be a good idea to update my blog more as another means of emotional support. Thank you.

 

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Snowy day

It’s winter in 1992, I’m 9, there’s a snowstorm and I walk down to the creek which is frozen over, I’m on my own, I feel the sun warm my face but it’s still bitter cold, which is odd to me. I look over to the pool and ponder how only 4 months before, it was sunny and I could hear the kids jumping from the high dive from my backyard, now it was a snowy desolate wasteland, I shrugged my shoulders and crossed Braeburn to the other side, with my plastic sled in hand. The forest hill full, of snow was empty, where were the other kids? What does it matter, they don’t want to hang out with me with anyways. I put my headphones on and hit the play button, Pearl Jam’s “Ten” album. And I’m off sledding, trying to have fun even if I’m by myself. I sled down the hill with glee; “I oh I’m still alive” ringing in ears as I sled down the hill, the soundtrack to this cold and dreary day.

Sledding by yourself is boring but the music drowns out the loneliness, as I walk home, I’m saddened that I had to spend this snow day by myself but the promise of hot cocoa when I get home lifts my spirits and all is well again.

 

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Martin Luther King day

I just went with my family on a walk to honor Martin Luther King, here I am with my dad. It was really powerful to recognize the power of Dr King and how he combated hate with love and non-violence.

After the walk, there were a few really good speakers and as we were walking back, I thanked one of them for his speech and told him how when I was a kid, I was different and picked on and read about Martin Luther King and Civil Rights and it resonated with me because I could understand what it was like to be singled out and treated differently and the story of Martin Luther King gave me the hope that you didn’t have react to those who hate you, you could love them instead.

I even wrote a book report about him when I was about 8 or 9, I’ll never forgot that. I was so emotional relaying this story to him because I realized that is why I am so outspoken against discrimination and bigotry, it hurts my heart to the core but thanks to Martin Luther King, the world is much kinder place than it used to be, there’s more unity and love and Martin Luther King will always be my hero. 💙

 

 

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Big Changes

Big changes coming my way, the universe is lending me a hand after decades of silent indifference.

These changes are earth-shatteringly amazing, a flow of good vibes which I received with open arms and a sprinkle of gratitude.

My heart melts on the hot pavement as I jump for joy, sweet relief from the longstanding suffering that was normality, not quite a perfection but a sigh of relief, I’ll take a pebble of improvement and run with that.

 

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