Don’t tell them…

This was so beautiful and very sweet. Reblogged

Between the lines

Miserable abandoned teddy bear outdoors leaning on to tree

Blue teddy-bear, please stay and hold my heart once more…

I’ll hold you tight and love you like never had before,

I’ll tell you all my stories, my faith I will restore!

For you, my childhood’s sweetest, the one I still adore…

Blue teddy bear, forgive me for growing up so fast!

I thought that life’s a playground and love’s supposed to last,

I hoped his tender arms will wipe away the past…

But here I am: a loner, a black sheep, an outcast!

Blue teddy bear, where are you when darkness casts its cold?

You left me empty hearted, with no one else to hold…

Blank pages fill my stories, white lies was all I told,

Into a world that’s breaking even the hearts of gold!

Blue teddy bear, I wonder, would you remember me?

I’m different, yet the same…and never ever free…

I’m still the girl who left…

View original post 99 more words


The importance of a church family

I am often get frustrated because I would love to attend church every Sunday and take that time to grow with a church community; hear a sermon among other worshipers and be with God in prayer; I think that time is something we should as be entitled to if that is something we wish to do on a Sunday morning.   Sadly I work in retail and it almost impossible to have a Sunday off but luckily today I was free and made it to church service; I sat with the disability ministry and was happy to see them.  It was a great way to start the day.  It’s interesting how the old me would have rather stayed up all Saturday night and slept in; not even giving the idea of going to church a second thought. But here I was excited to finally go to church; something very strange is happening.   But I feel blessed anytime I can spend time with God and others who have faith.

I communicate a lot with my friends who I had grown up with in the church; and to me they are like family; sisters and brothers and parents; I love them a lot and I mention them quite a bit in my blogs.  As I was sitting in that church with my new friends from the disabled ministry; I was at peace; a little anxious about when this new job is going to call me back but I tried to remain focused.  As the service began; there was a small choir of little kids ( all about 4 and 5 years old); really cute kids. One of the kids ran up to a microphone and almost knocked it down; everyone thought that was funny; he was real mischievous and hyper; like I was as a kid;  I looked at those kids and I realized that we as a church family were all children at one point; we grew up together; some of them I knew when I was 4 or 5 years old; just like those kids. We attended Sunday school together, sang in the choir,  were a part of plays, participated in children’s time; went to each other’s houses for dinner. We not only knew them but their parent’s as well and we grew into this close knit church family and it’s amazing when you stop and think about it. I took it for granted as a kid; this protective group and kids and adults. I was in youth group and we went on trips together; we went through tragedies together and we grew to love one another and it was a strong bond up until I graduated high school and sort of moved away from the church.

I just have this gratitude I was able to make it to church today and it was perfect since it is the week of Thanksgiving.  I find it amazing that we are all adults now and many of my friends have families and children of their own; they have moved on and live in different places; met new groups of friends; have careers and yet we still communicate with each other. That friendship and bond didn’t fade over time for some of us.  Ever so often I’ll share those memories with my friends and they agree how important our friendships were; it shaped us.  The love of the church is so important especially when you I ostracized everywhere else. Just to know I had this safe place to go to with people who loved me; gave me comfort.  And that’s what was going through my mind as I was sitting in that church.

I want to end this blog though with another thought.  It is Thanksgiving week and we should keep gratitude on our minds. For those of you who have the privileged of being able going to church every week; I want you to stop for a moment and think about those who may not have the luxury of being part of a church community; maybe they work on Sundays or they live in a country where they can’t practice their religion; or they are in prison or wherever they can’t attend church.  I think a lot of people take for granted the ability to attend church regularly. And when you have miss service after service; I think you have a greater appreciation for the importance of attending church and being with God. I am not trying to point my finger or preach; it’s just something that crossed my mind.  I wish I had gone to church more often when I had the chance. I wish I hadn’t turned my back on God or my church family; but I can’t control the past. I can only take the time to attend church when I can and express my gratitude towards God when I can attend.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving; may God bless you and take care of yourselves.



Image may contain: 4 people, people sitting, child and outdoor

Image may contain: 2 people, people standing, child and outdoor


The mall is dead

As many of you know, I work at Sears and our store is closing in less than two months.  My store is located as an anchor store at a major mall in the area; and it’s closing is really going to have an impact on the mall as a whole.  Anytime an anchor closes; it slowly kills the mall; foot traffic decreases and people have less of a reason to get into their cars; fight traffic and go to the mall.  And it doesn’t help that everyone is shopping online; and why not? It’s more convenient; you don’t have to leave your house or put up with pesky sales people or deal with crowds of screaming babies or terrible bland music piping from the store speakers; that is the exact reason why I stayed away from there. These days Malls everywhere seem to be dying and while I admit I hadn’t been to the mall to shop in a long time; I still feel sad about it’s demise.  Growing up as a teenager in the late 90’s; I would hang out with my friends at the mall all the time; we didn’t buy things; we just walked around aimlessly; smoking cigarettes and eating at the food court until someone picked us up; it sounds boring but it was the only place to hang out with your friends for hours on end; besides being stuck in the house.  I don’t even think kids today hang out at the mall; I think they’re stuck on the couch; looking at snapchat or watching Netflix on their phone; barely interacting with anyone.  Yeah the mall was a drag but at least you were in the real world; interacting with real people. It just feels like everything I grew up with is slowly dying and it really makes me sad.

I went back to where I grew up a few months back and stayed with a friend.  Before I left she messaged me and asked if I wanted to go a hockey game that her brother was a referee at; I figured she meant downtown; because where else would a hockey match be held?  It turns out it was at the mall where I had lunch with my grandparents every week (a whole lot of nostalgia but that is for a different post).  All the stores were gone and even the surrounding restaurants were out of business; the only thing left was the metro and this hockey rink that had been built after I left.  It took me a second for all of that register; the memories I had of that place were completely gone and it felt surreal.  Later on during the trip I had a dinner at another friend’s house and I used to hang out with her at the mall all the time.  She told me the mall we went to was demolished and they had it replaced with condos or something.  It’s just crazy to me; how fast things are changing and the mall is just on life support at this point.  I think about all the jobs being lost and abandoned buildings and parking lots; it’s just depressing.   I don’t know what else to say about that except a part of me will miss the mall.  I know that whenever my store closes; I am going back to the mall to see my Sears for the last time and I won’t be going back to the mall for a very long.  I assume within the next 5 years or so; that mall will be gone and just a faded memory.   The mall was good while it lasted; long live the American mall in all of its glory



Image result for fair oaks mall

Lonely thoughts

Loneliness is not just being alone; but it’s a feeling; a state of mind.  Even  in a room; full of  lively conversation; plenty of opportunities to connect and yet somehow you fall flat and you feel that heavy burden of being lonely;  you can’t shake it; that loneliness.  I feel it late night mostly; the loneliness leaves me alone in my owns thoughts.  It’s always been a part of me; a nagging voice in the depth of my soul; letting me know; I’m man on my own in the middle of the water; with one paddle; spinning directionless in this boat; with no help; completely lost at sea.  I don’t know where that feeling came from and maybe I don’t want to know.  I’ve stopped looking for answers and accepted that it’s a lonely life; whether I’m with people or by myself. How does one change this perpetual state of loneliness?  Anyone got anything? I didn’t think so


Image may contain: sky, outdoor, water and nature




Using social media for good

Come on, David, another post about social media, really?  I know, I know, this time will be different; I promise.  I want to take the time to talk about making social media a more positive experience.   I use social media a little too much; I have lost count of how many times I hit that Facebook button on my phone; and the agony  of not seeing notifications; especially after posting my latest blog and the disbelief that someone wouldn’t want to read a long blog post about my innermost thoughts; how dare they?  I am kidding of course but I use to think that way and I try to take a different approach these days.  I have come to realize how incredibly self centered that thinking is; I feel like social media gives us the impression ( and by us, I mean me) that we are the center of the universe and all of our followers are waiting on pins and needles for our next post; because it’s so brilliant, right? While we all love feedback; it is equally important to make your social media about encouraging others and uplifting them; because social media can be such a negative place; full of political arguments, hate speech, meme after irrelevant meme ( I know I am guilty of this) and just general nonsense.  I want my posts to be positive and encouraging; maybe lift someone’s spirits and  use my writing to help someone who is struggling like me. I know that when I am down and people encourage me on social media; it really makes a difference  And when it comes to my writing; I try not to worry about how many likes or comments I get; I just hope someone out there is reading it and it is affecting them in a positive way; I hope they can relate and it helps them somehow.  I smile when I think that sharing my story might give someone hope.

So I spend most of my time on social media; making positive comments; listening when someone is sad and cheering when someone is doing well.  I try not to argue with people or get into negativity anymore ( the keyword is try because I’m have made mistakes and I’m not perfect). I just make a point in trying to brighten people’s day; I realize that sounds kind of cheesy but it really helps with my own issues of depression; when I get out of myself for a second and say a kind word to friend on social media.  I was thinking about how there isn’t a day where I am not trying to encourage someone or try an make their day better and in a sense I have always been that way; I try to  be sensitive and it really is a gift ( although some days it feels like a curse).  All my life  I have tried to be kind and social media is no different.  And maybe for some being nice all the time can seem annoying or I overdo it but I can’t bring myself to use social media to bully or hurt others.  I have been bullied all my life and I want to be the antithesis to all of that; a positive force in a cold world.  I think I am rambling but you understand my point.  And I use the blog in the same way; I try to uplift others and it’s beautiful.  We all need encouragement; if everyone took the time to be kind and gentle every day; we’d be at peace. We don’t have to embrace each other but we have respect for one another and our differences.  So I will continue my mission to make this a kinder world and I hope you’ll join me

Love your friend.


The Untold Stories all Around Us

What a beautiful and touching post. Reblogged


I had this moment with a cashier the other night. I had arrived at the till with my goods and she was just so distracted and not at all friendly. This is usually an irritation for me, bad service that is, but for some reason in this moment I felt the need to be a little extra friendly. I sympathised with her about having to work nightshift and she proceeded to tell me that she had just come back from a weeks leave after burying her child. I was totally gobsmacked that I had initially judged her for not being friendly enough.

We continued conversation and she proceeded to tell me that her child of just 10 years old had cancer and after years of the battle he did not make it. We spoke for a little while and I gave her some kind words of encouragement and said I…

View original post 824 more words

Jesus and the outcasts

I am really growing in my faith although I can’t make it Church service due to work and I should crack open my bible more; I try to live by the principles of Jesus’s teachings            ( which I have read several times)  and I often think about how God is working in my life.  I pray a lot when I feel other’s don’t accept me; they treat me as if I am unworthy and I’m sure mock me when I’m not around; I’m different.  I’m a pretty sensitive and gentle person and that is seen as a weakness; I have mental health issues; which I’m sure people pick up on; I have a lot of physical health issues and I am often uncomfortable which makes me anxious and people see anxious people as suspicious ( at least in my case) when they’re not. So I have felt and continue to feel like an outcast in many social situations.  The people who grew up with me accepted me but most outside of that circle have treated me poorly and that hurts.   So I was thinking about that the other day and if you read in the bible; Jesus didn’t seek out perfect people; the best looking guy in town; or the smartest guy; or the man in great health or someone that could communicate well; he chose those that were considered outcasts; tax collectors; those in bad health; those who stuttered ( Well that was in the old testament but you know what I mean) because Jesus knew that they could be the ones to effectively bring his message to ordinary people.  And Jesus didn’t go around helping only the rich or the highly educated; he helped sinners; prostitutes, the sick and the lame; people that society threw away              ( much like today)  But Jesus spread the word of God to them and healed them because the weakest members of society are the ones who need the most love and care.  It is so touching to read these stories of how Jesus cared for those who were outcasts. In a small way I saw myself in these passages and at times cried because I realized that I had pushed away God and yet he was also there to embrace me and accept me back; whereas people don’t always accept you back into their lives or have forgiveness in their hearts.  So when I feel mocked and pushed aside and made to feel like an outcast; I’m proud of that because I know Jesus is holding me up and giving me comfort; protecting me from the harsh world.  Not only do I love Jesus as the son of God but as a man; A selfless man who unlike the world preached that society should take care of it’s sick and disabled; it shouldn’t cast out anyone who is different; we should accept and love them; not in spite of their differences but because of their differences.  Having God in my life has given me hope in a world that sometimes feels hopeless; where people are so unkind to each other; where there’s no mercy or justice.  Times like that I close my eyes for a second; send a prayer to God; and while I may be anxious or hurting; I have peace knowing he is listening to this outcast and sending love down to him during those rough days.  Amen to that.  Remember that God is love and with him anything is possible


Image result for jesus and prostitute