When I was younger, I got a lot of my musical influences from my brother, he liked a lot of alternative and classic rock but one day when I was about 12, he had this cd of this guy with dreadlocks and the album was called “Legend” by Bob Marley. I didn’t know who Bob Marley was and I had never heard Reggae before. I borrowed it and put in my Discman to listen to at school, I fell in love with the music right away, I had never heard anything like it before but it was just so mellow and peaceful, relaxing music. I must have listened to that album on repeat for weeks, I didn’t have a lot of friends at school so I used my music as an escape, While they were playing kickball, I was in the corner listening to Bob Marley for the first time, way before those ever kids knew about him. Every time I hear that music, it brings back to that feeling of peacefulness during a chaotic time in my life, and my heart warms and I smile, it brings back some good memories; discovering music for the first time is magical at that age. 🎵 🎸
I listened to the Unplugged in New York album over and over again, a last gasp, a funeral with flowers layed out, I searched for clues,,, all these years, I still don’t have an answer. 😥
One day, I am going to find someone who likes me as much as I like them, someone who can look past my nervous foot-tapping and anxious sighs, someone that accepts for me for me, someone I can connect with, I don’t have wait in vain for a response because they’re always there, someone who’s there for me as much as I’m there for them, someone to laugh with and a shoulder to cry on when I need a friend, mutual smiles; give and take. I hope and pray that someone is out there somewhere, I’ve yet to find them but I have patience ❤
Usually when we talk about anxiety, we talk about it makes us feel but we also forget that sometimes our anxiety makes other people uncomfortable, they sense we are nervous and don’t know why, so they either think we are up to something or perplexed as to why we are so nervous when they are so calm. And of course for the anxious person, they pick up on their discomfort of the calmer person which only increases the anxiety, It’s a terrible thing, this anxiety. And to make matters worse, no one talks about anxiety openly, so we are left feeling alone (when we are not). Just my anxious thoughts a 1:45 am in the morning. 😕 😬
The sky’s on fire and I watch with awe from a distance, such a beautiful sight I am witnessing,
Nature’s miracle before my eyes, God’s masterpiece setting below the tree line; an orange glow encases the horizon.
The day closes it’s tired eyes and soon the sky is engulfed in darkness.
Speckled stars rise to say hello, the moon relieves the sun on their shift and I am left speechless.
I didn’t know her well but she was cool and she was older and very grown up in my eyes, she was just beautiful to me, she had this exotic look with jet black hair, she had this confidence that older kids always have, when you’re 12 everyone older seems wiser. We used to talk about grunge bands like STP and Pearl Jam; I could talk about music for hours. But I had always Stone Temple Pilots rattling in my head at the time and when I ever hear some of those songs; that feeling and memory is sure to come back; even though those days are long gone. The past is just a faded memory… 1994 🎵
I had a dream about you last night, I try in vain to get your attention but your face is cold; stoic, staring off any direction other than mine,
all I feel is hurt, if only you could look my way, but your gaze is fixed away from where I’m standing, it’s a familiar feeling I never quite got used to.
We’re in a classroom full of people trying to talk to me but I all I can do is focus on your indifference; seems like a waste of energy but you can’t control your dreams or your illogical feelings that come and go as they please.
Whatever you’re looking for, I hope you find it and I hope is that in a future dream our eyes we’ll meet and I can sleep a little bit longer that night, until then I tell myself to keep dreaming…
. 🛌 😴