Online bullies on WordPress

You know, I really take pride in my writing and I do it for therapeutic reasons and also I hope my words can reach people in a meaningful way. I do mental health advocacy across all social media platforms including creating a mental health group that is growing and has become a means of support for a quite a few people, I am so proud of that.

I share most of what’s happening in my life and for the most part the support has been incredible, people are kind and their words have really made a difference and I hope that I have made a difference by being a supportive, caring person who wants to help those with mental illness.

All that being said, every so often ( I am sure it’s the same person) will go on my blog and post a barrage of insults, usually they are small and it rolls off my back but this time this person was brutal and I thought the best thing to do was to address it head on.  This person basically alluded to the fact that I whine and am looking for sympathy.  I am not trying hard enough to get a degree and that I don’t want to work and live off of my family, they said I had no life experience and I wasn’t a writer, based on my ignorance and use of vulgar language ( according to them).

Now, I don’t go around insulting people, in fact I think, I am nothing but nice. I don’t see anything in my blogs that are hurtful and I don’t think reaching out and talking about mental health is “whining”. So I have no idea who this person is and why they felt the need to say such hurtful things. But it  is clear, they are hurting and taking it out on me, which is a symptom of mental illness, because a happy healthy person wouldn’t feel the need to do that.

And people say it’s just a troll and to ignore it but it doesn’t hurt any less. So I didn’t want to do this but I have my blog private, only viewable to those who are already following me. That hurts because I know my family reads my blogs, they love it but they aren’t following me, only looking through the website. But to stop the harassment, I have no choice but to make my blog private. And it’s due to an obviously sick individual that needs serious help. I have nothing left to say. I blocked them and hopefully by making this private they can’t see this post.  Right now, I am really upset and it’s the kind of thing that makes me want to share less or stop writing all together.

 

Is there a way to report this person to WordPress if they are not a registered user ( Only posting through email?

Ego vs Soul

This was written by a fellow writer friend of mine. Please follow her on instagram- thetruthwriter

 

LIONESS…
EMPRESS, A High Priestess.
An innocent.
A conjurer, a conqueror.
A Rebel.
A devil and a God.
I am Human.
Living this experience.
What is this.
Can I master it.
A master of peace
A masterpiece.
I know.
I am divine.
Sacred and shit.
This self mastery is hard as fuck.
I’m up for it
I’ll never give up.
But I accept I am flawless as fuck.
Perfectly IMPERFECT and such.
As I honor my flaws and not giving a fuck.
I rise up.
I ebb n flow.
I show up for myself.
Sometimes I wish I was someone else
Somewhere else.
Is this mental illness
Or mental wellness.
Searching for something deeper.
A depth of me u can not reach.
Knowing the death of my ego
Is the rebirth of my soul.
Not a believer, but a knower – my Soul.
A flower.
She knows.
Out of the ashes.
Wearing her scars.
She came so far
Still reaching and searching for her heart.
I am limitless beyond belief, soul reminds the monkey mind.
I return to the hive and universal mind.
Illusion is time.
Rewind, I can not.
For I am in this space.
can I go to space.
Is it real.
Are we really in a bubble
Is there a devil.
All these human constructs.
Am I going to hell.
I was born in hell.
I had to go through hell to reach my heaven.
Do I know who i am.
Hell fucking no.
Because I am still becoming.
I am evolving
Shifting
Ascending
Transcending
Enlightening.
REMEMBERING
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Though I walk through the valleys of the shadows of death, I will fear no evil, for I know evil.
I am the LIGHT
The darkness waits for me.
I SHINE BRIGHT.
The ego surrenders knowing it can not escape OR rule thee.
I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED TO CREATE A FULFILLING LIFE WITHIN ME.
For I am the ruler of my kingdom,
I AM THE TEMPLE OF THE LIVING GOD – ASHLEY.

 

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Writing my first story

I am really enjoying writing my first story and I have no idea what is going to happen to the characters until I write it; so even I’m somewhat surprised every time I write.  I have all these ideas of how I want to continue the story and some of it is based on my own life experiences and feelings; in a sense the main character is based on me.   When I first began the story; I was really going to make it about one main character and every other person would be a supporting player so to speak.  I have managed to introduce several characters and give them personalities and a back story and hopefully plots of their own in the future. I really life writing and I feel fueled creatively.

I am also influenced by TV shows I have seen over the years. The whole story was inspired by an old unsolved mysteries segment about a real life event where a man woke up in the desert and had no idea who he was. He didn’t know his past or his family or even his name. Eventually he did found his identity and soon realized that he had a warrant out for his arrest because he stolen some frozen food ( along with their truck) from a company he had worked for. And of course these whole amnesia thing could have been a cover because he didn’t want to go to jail; I found it to be fascinating.  I also was influenced by the show Twin Peaks.  The show started with a dead girl washed up on the beach and the investigation that ensued. As the show went it became less solely focused on who killed the girl but more focused on the town’s people and the various subplots happening in the town of Twin Peaks. That’s where I want my story to go; I want the focus to be less on the original main character and more about the people around him; his amnesia is only catalyst to all these other non-related events.  It probably sounds confusing and convoluted but I really enjoy writing this way. It’s less of a book and more of a serial drama or soap opera.  This is exciting and I can’t wait to write more. Wish me luck

 

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Two sides of me

The person I am on the inside doesn’t always match the person I am on the outside. I call that inner voice my writer’s side; I always come up with the right words and know what to say; I connect with others in meaningful way; I speak and people seem to listen; I feel understood for the first time in my life; it feels incredible beyond belief.  I am a different person when I type; I feel confident, sure of myself; I have the confidence to express my deep feelings without regret; I am not afraid to appear vulnerable and instead of mockery; I get empathy; it feels so good that I am able to have that same compassion and acceptance of others; a truly positive way of being.

The outward side of me is like night and day; I don’t have that same confidence; I never know what to say; I stumble over my words; when I speak, I feel misunderstood; the thoughts make sense in my head but I can never find a way to convey them out loud; so, I recoil and head to the corner of the room.  I am terrified of appearing vulnerable in real life; so, I keep my feelings to myself. And when I have expressed my feelings I either get blank stares or mockery it hurts. Sometimes I just want to avoid people all together.  People might tell me in person; I love your writing; I don’t how to react and I want to tell them “Don’t expect me to be the same person in real life” I’m shy and awkward and I hate myself in person; I wish I could be the same person outwardly as my writing side. I wish I could be that confident; I wish I could be the person you think I am through my writing but I can’t. It makes me feel lonely. Sorry if you’re disappointed.

How I have grown as a writer

I just finished backing up my blog; it took a long time and I finally got it done.   For the last year or so; I have been working on my old computer and I don’t have Word on it; so, everything was saved to my blog only and I was really concerned about losing everything. I finally managed to buy a new laptop for Christmas and was determined to get everything safe; in case (God forbid) something happened to my blog and I lost all of my writings; that would have been heartbreaking.  So right now, I am relieved to have everything saved; safe and sound.

As I was saving my writings, I noticed that I have written a whole lot since I started my blog in October 2017 (has it been that long?); 530 posts to be exact.  I sometimes would make 2 or 3 posts in a day; I had a lot to say; a lot of personal pain and memories I needed to get out; it was therapeutic.  My early writings are short but potent and raw, honest; full of anger, extreme sadness and a need to be understood.  It was the first time I had ever written these feelings and certainly the first time sharing them with an audience; I was risking being vulnerable and feared being judged about my posts; I wrote quite a few posts about the anxiety of sharing my writings online. I had been judged all my life and put down and wasn’t sure how people would react to my posts; I was surprised at the positive reactions I got; I didn’t expect it at first.  I was just happy people were reading my posts and could relate to them.

 

I look back at those writings and although I’m proud of all my posts; I can’t help feel somewhat embarrassed at my early writings. I hadn’t found my voice as a writer yet and while I was honest; I spoke about my feelings in metaphors. I wrote a poem about River Phoenix that was really about my brother that passed; I couldn’t bare to write how I felt about his death; I wasn’t ready yet. When talking about my anxieties about women; I wrote a poem about traffic lights and mixed signals; it’s a great poem but it wasn’t until I made posts about how exactly I was feeling (without the metaphors) could I really reach my audience in a major way.  So, while I wrote poetry; I also had raw honest posts about the death of my brother, childhood memories, my issues with mental health and disabilities. The more I wrote; the more confident I became; I stopped caring how my audience would react and just started writing from my heart. As I scrolled up; my blog posts got much better (in my opinion) I found better ways of articulating my feelings; my posts because longer and expressive and I could write about a different range of topics; with an air of confidence that I didn’t have in the beginning.

I learned a lot about myself in reading my posts throughout my writing journey; I see myself as a different person now; the writing helped me make sense of the past and cope with the present. It hurts to read some of those posts; some of the most painful things I have ever written and it was in public no less.  Sometimes I see a post and it makes me want to cry; other times I smile at my accomplishments and other times admittedly; I cringe.  I saw I’m proud but some posts I made were cliched and amateur but that’s how you get better, right?

I hope this past inspires new writers not to give up; to keep writing and to be honest; to grow as writers.   My tip is to write for yourself and hope it reaches someone; if you write (like I did in the beginning) and worry what others will think; your write will come across as authentic and the best writing is real; so be real; be yourself and keep posting; even if it’s multiple times a day.

So now I can sit back and relax; proud of this blog and grateful for all the amazing support of my followers; you guys have been amazing. I have had nothing but positivity on this blog (with some rare exceptions) and I appreciate all of you; your comments make the difference and give me the confidence and the privilege to call myself a writer. Thank for taking this journey with and will continue to blog for many years to come.

 

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Author’s challenge 2019

This is my a bio I am making for the Author’s challenge of 2019

 

Hello #writingcommunity I’m doing the #authorschallenge2019 today. David is a yet to be published author and mental health/disability advocate. He has been blogging for almost two years; writing on subjects ranging from disabilities, mental health, grief, suicide, poetry, social justice, Spirituality ( as opposed to religion) and gender roles. David uses writing to uplift and encourage others who are suffering from depression and other mental illnesses and hopes to spread a message of love and acceptance. The goal is to continue to advocate for marginalized people and to publish his work in the coming years. David is looking forward to connecting with others positively in the writing community.

My bio for 2019 😀

 

 

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I gained 1,000 followers on my Instagram

I am so excited that I now have gained over 1,000 followers to my Instagram page;   I am a part of both a wonderful writing and mental health community on Instagram. I have so much support on there and the ability to lend my support to others; it has been amazing; beyond anything I could have imagined a year ago.  If you can please take the time to follow me on instagram; I post often and am active in interacting with my followers.  Thank you

instagram/davethewriter18

 

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Supporting other bloggers

I know I said I am taking a break from blogging and I am; I just wanted to take a little time and promote a fellow blogger. She is a great writer and has a lot to say.   If you can, please take the time to visit her blog and follow her. She is really looking for ways to make her blog grow so maybe you can give her some tips, it’s much appreciated

Dave

https://fantasylandcalledreality.wordpress.com/

 

Sad news about my job

Well, the day before Christmas; one of my my supervisors ( the one gave me the review) at work called me in to talk to him. He informed me that they would no longer need me after the Christmas season and that I would be leaving at the end of the week. I kinda of expected it but I was a little upset that they chose the day after Christmas to tell me; it hurt.   But I did tell him that I had learning disabilities and I gave it my all because I really wanted to work there. He said he didn’t know that ( I am not sure if he couldn’t tell how much I struggled)  But he said I did a good job and I may get a call back to work there in March when there are more openings; so fingers crossed on that one.  I told a few co-workers about how I was being let go and they all said I was such a good worker and they were surprised.  One lady who was really kind hugged me and said “I’ll miss you sweetheart; I enjoyed working with you”; it felt nice to be appreciated. So I kind of was of moping to myself; feeling I was singled out and wondered what I was going to after this. I am trying to look at the bright side; this means I can go back to school and finish my degree and I can also spend more time with the disabled ministry.  I also planning on other volunteer opportunities while I look for another job. I also realized that I can write more and maybe attend some writing workshops that I could never make due to work. So yes, I’ll be alright; if I keep a positive attitude.  So while I was moping to myself one of my other co-workers who came in with me said she was also cut and then all of a sudden about 5 or 6 people said to me they were cut as well. I realized I wasn’t the only one and I felt less bad because they pretty much had cut everyone and  you know what, they all seemed to have a calm attitude about it.   I realized that everything was ok and not to worry.   Just wanted to update you guys; thank you for all support regarding the job; it means a lot

Dave

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to write a quick Christmas message to all of my followers; your love and support on this blog has been the best gift I could have asked for this year.  There are been some tough days and sometimes the only thing that got me through them was my writing and all of the supportive comments I have gotten on this blog; I am so grateful and I hope you all a very blessed Christmas; and I share your joy if this has been a good holiday season for you but I also share your pain if the holidays have been tough because I totally understand; the Christmas season has never been easy for me.  And to me Christmas isn’t about the gifts in the way some people may think; the gifts are being with family; being blessed with wonderful friends, my writing and having faith in God; that’s what Christmas is about to me.  I try to focus on God during this time of year and I give him all the credit; without his guidance I wouldn’t have the people in my life or the ability to write or my family; so he gets all the glory. Anyways have a safe Christmas; take care of yourselves and again thank you for following me on my writing journey.

Dave

 

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