I made a blog earlier about the difficulties I was having in school with my math course, I didn’t get the support I need and now I am so far behind that I can’t possible pass this course. I have no choice at the moment to withdraw; a part of me feels like failure even though everyone around me says that I did the best I could, a part of me feels stupid because I really wanted to pass this course. So I was volunteering the other day and during my lunch break, I was talking to some of the staff of the disabled ministry, I was telling them about my situation and they were appalled that I couldn’t receive the help I needed and how I just need to one class to pass and I’m being held back, and it’s important to note that I’m an honor student, so I am highly capable of making it through college. The people I were talking asked me to bring my math notebook, so they can see the kind of math problems I’m dealing with. They offered to tutor me a little and get me up to speed for my next class, I was amazed. I was amazed that people would take the time to help me, someone they’ve only known for a few months. I am going to take them up on their offer because I need all the help I can get. I have been hurt so much by people in the past, it’s easy to forget that there are good people out there, people who care. And tonight, I went to a dinner with the same disabled ministry and I saw the leader of the group who had been out town, she asked me about school and I told her how frustrated I was and how I am going to drop out. I told her I was going to school to speak with the disability counselor and she offered to go with me and advocate and I really think that would be a good idea. She Is known in the community, she’s a pretty tough lady in the sense that she would hold them accountable for not giving me the proper accommodations, she also cares about me and sees how passionate I am about helping the disabled, she knows how much I want this degree and how I will use to make a difference in people’s lives. I am just so blessed because I know God is working in my life through this group and I know I’ll be ok
So, on another note I am also getting a lot of online support. I added a bunch of writers and mental health advocates to my Facebook page, I have over 3,000 friends on there. And since I use my social media for advocacy and network (in fact I have managed to give my link of my blog to several people and they loved it), it makes no difference whether I know them personally or not. So since I have added all these people, I have had an influx of messages and comments and reactions, so much so that I can barely keep up, all of it positive, a lot of people are inspired by my writing which is really heartwarming to me that they are positively affected by it and I can tell how many people said that my writing has made a difference in their lives; that is an honor. On top the comments about my writing, I also talk a lot about mental health and gotten so much support, it’s overwhelming. I have several people who are life coaches’ message me, one woman offered to do a Facebook video call and I will do that very soon, another person invited to participate in mental health workshop online.
So, all these wonderful things are happening and it feels like mental health advocacy is a big part of my life and I am connecting with thousands of people and getting my message across, it is a feeling that indescribable to me. Only about 1 year and half ago I felt totally isolated, I wasn’t writing or connected with anyone, I wasn’t open about my struggles and kept my feelings to myself. I still can’t believe the responses I get, 50 ,60 comments a day, hundreds of likes, I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging, I just am amazed. I like metaphors, it’s like a poor guy all of sudden winning the lottery. I was totally alone one minute and now I have all this attention and it’s hard to handle. I mean, I wanted it but I’m not used to it. But like I said earlier, people care, for the first time in my life I feel like people are listening to what I have to say. As if my all pent-up feelings are being validated by so many people who feel the same way I do and can relate. I felt like I was the only one for all my life and now I realize I am not. I was put down all my life and now I receive more praise than I can handle. How does one deal with all that sudden change? I don’t know. But that’s for this blog, I am happy to have a place to express all of their feelings. I thank all my followers for being so supportive and will keep everyone updated.
Thanks for listening