Social media, the anxious trap

I feel really overwhelmed with social media right now, I’m not feeling ignored, in fact, I’m getting love and support than ever and it’s much appreciated, it’s surreal actually to feel like my words and thoughts are resonating with so many people in a such a positive way.

But with all that, it’s tiring, maybe it’s me sharing my brother’s story about suicide live or maybe it’s me posting too much and relying too much on the validation of other’s ( it’s so easy to get hung up on likes and comment and then place your self-worth on that) Maybe it’s seeing post after post where everyone seems happier and more productive than I ( Who isn’t running a group and making live videos these days?) And I know it’s a facade but it still causes anxiety. I also have my own successes but I still can’t help but compare to others in a negative light, I’m never good enough despite my best efforts. Maybe it’s the fact that I never see the posts from the people I care about the most and they never see mine ( or so they say, they most likely skipped through my posts on their newsfeed). Maybe it’s desperately wanting to reconnect with people who don’t want to reconnect with me ( that hurts,)

And some of this is my anxious thinking, it’s hard to tell what is anxiety and reality at times. I just know social media is getting old and very frustrating. I am focusing on my groups at the moment but not on posting or scrolling through my newsfeed ( what an awful waste of time that is), maybe this will help my anxiety. But the worst part is very few people will bother to read this whole post, they make skim it but not absorb the message.

It seems to be that the more connected we are online, the more truly disconnected we are in person, life is funny that way. Sometimes I wish I could throw my computer and phone in the ocean, move to a tropical island and liberate myself from this digital prison, it’s a trap, a crutch and it’s doing harm to us all. 📱😥😒

Mental health support

I have been suffering from mental health issues for as long as I can remember and only in the last few years have I been public about everything that I have went through, it has been amazing. I have worked out of a lot of my past issues through writing, in fact, I just got my poem published and it was related to mental health, what an amazing feeling. I have also connected with so many supportive people online and that has been helpful but at the same time I have been frustrated  because these supports have been online and few of them live close enough to be able to talk to in person, although I have talked to a few people on video and that went much better than expected. Nonetheless I have been looking for support locally, in person and not online.

 

I started researching mental health support groups in the area and found meetings with NAMI ( National Alliance of Mental Illness) they are a nationwide organization that helps people with mental health issues and I had heard many good things about them. I found that there were monthly support groups in the area. One of the meetings was far and I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to go to that one but fortunately, I found a meeting that was closer to my home.

 

I was very nervous because I had never been to a peer support group before, I had done 12 steps but that was different. After a week of waiting, I was able to go to a NAMI meeting last night, it was very helpful. There was a lady there from NAMI who ran the meeting and she was great and very kind, an older lady with a lot of resources of help throughout the city. During the meeting,  People just sat around in a circle and talked about various mental health struggles and I shared things myself. People were extremely supportive and offered a lot of good advice. It was incredible to get peer support and there is even a meeting where people share their art, including writing.  I am just proud of myself that I went and will continue to go to those meetings as much as I can.

My writing is published

I wanted to tell all of my followers that I submitted one of my poems to a writing website, it has been approved and they are going to publish it. I am not getting paid but this will give my writing more exposure, I am so excited right now because I have never published writing outside of my blog and social media. And I was really afraid of my piece being rejected but clearly it’s worth publishing to them.

 

I am so grateful for all of the support I have gotten from my blog and my social media platforms, I never in a million expected this. I wrote and continue to write for therapeutic reasons and I really didn’t think I would get such a positive response from sharing my writing.

 

I felt so alone for so many years and I kept my feelings inside; not expressing them for fear of judgement. I had so much hurt and pain, that I was just a broken person. But once I started writing, it became a flood of emotions and I wrote and wrote and wrote, I just needed to get it all out. And afterwards I was able to finally heal. And my purpose was to help myself but I had no idea that it was helping others as well, which warmed my heart, that my writing could encourage someone else to open with their feelings, that was never my original intent but words have power, don’t they?.

 

For everyone who has supported my writing and shown me love and understanding, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support means the world to me and you have given me the confidence to share my writing and grow as a writer. Thank you for coming along with me on my writing journey and I will continue to write, it’s an essential vitamin at this point.

To those that suffer in silence

Getting mental health support from others has been life changing for me and I really appreciate it. I think I get so much support because I am willing to be open and outspoken about my own struggles and I encourage others. But what makes me sad is there are others who much worse off than me. people whose depression is so bad that they can’t get out of my bed and they have the inability to express themselves in a way that they can be understood. They suffer in silence and they don’t get support because no one knows they’re suffering and they are in so much pain. Some end up taking their lives because they have been holding to this hurt for so long and have no one to turn to when they need someone to talk to. At the end of the day, they need the most support and yet they don’t receive it. It’s the paradox of desperately needing help but not knowing how to reach out; therefore help doesn’t arrive. It really hurts to think about those people