Changes

Major life changes.Processing past spirits, buried deep inside, pain, pressure release.

Restraint, a determination to heal and try anything to feel better.New footsteps, dedication to change.

The boulders, throw off my back, still heavy but a bit lighter.

Seeking support, guidance, an answer, something, anything.Words soothe, they flow from my hands to my fingers to the page; in a raging fury; pent up emotions, it’s exhausting, it’s exhausting to me.

Do you want to trade places? See how my feet feel in your shoes, empathetic exchanges of energy from me to you.

Words are crisp, right out of the oven of thought, while we dine on emotional resonance. Bon Appetit…

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Digital exhaustion

Aren’t you exhausted? Haven’t you had enough? Artificiality digitally sprinkled in our lives; comments, likes, a peep hole into people’s superficial lives, more lies, hurt hearts, hiding behind smiling faces, silent disdain and judgement; a deperate craving for validation in lieu of privacy given to armies or marketers, hornily lusting after your everyday thoughts, feelingsl your passions, it’s all a commodity to them.Nothing but one neverending marketplace, one algorithmic shift in mediocrity and we’ve all fallen for it, our need to feel connected in an even increasingly disconnected world is their gain and our loss. Seems over dramatic to a certain extent but I’m not the one who feels their souls crushed by this addictive chaotic online space, I’m just more apt to admit it

Free verse pathway…

Animate my life, radiate my strife, cut me like a knife but stay out of sight.Won’t you tell me how, slow-moving like a cow, words that are now, words that make you say “Wow!”Free verse, a curse ( or course), tell me what it’s worth, straight from the Earth, the birth of a puzzle, put a muzzle on thoughts that can’t be bought or sought after.Rhymes are a crime, when they spew from the mind, the kind that goes a million miles an hour, a cup of sour milk is spilt on the table while I weave a fable of lies and surprise you with more disjointed words.The end of this poem is near and I’ll stop it here but don’t fear, my hand is sore and I won’t write anymore. At least not tonight. Well, alright, till tomorrow.

That kid

I know you need a friend but you have slipped past me, how can I reach you? Where have you gone after all these years?. I see your smile, I see the light in your eyes, a sweet innocence, fun loving, playful, hyper, from wall to wall, bopping to the beat, collecting salamanders, trying to be the next Michael Jordan. fireflies, baseball cards, hours of Mario Kart, kind of kid. Do you know that I love you, you are special and worthy. Don’t listen to them, you are one cool cat. Remember that and come back to me when you can.

Radio signal

Some people swoop in, bat their eyelashes, with promises of fame and fortune, but the moment you stop playing their game, suddenly they’re out of reach, too busy for soneone as lowly as you, now you’re exiled on an island of doubt and confusion, waiting for a radio signal that has faded and will never return. 📻

Letting go

I’m letting go, I’m moving on, I’m starting anew and my heavy heart is lighter, I don’t walk away in anger or bitterness, I  forgive what I don’t understand, and I don’t question it.  I focus on myself, my healing, forever healing, acquiring patience, peace is a journey but one that must be taken without fear but with both feet moving forward, gently reaching that destination wherever it may be, the mind will clear, the burdens will lessen and the heart will once again beat with love but for now I’ll settle for acceptance.

Fork in the road

The truth reveals itself more each day as I take this journey, this fork in the road, a choice I made to take a new direction, my gut says to go down this path, though I’m not sure where it’ll lead, maybe to green pastures, maybe to brick walled deadends with cobwebs, who knows until I start walking, Anything is better than the path full of ferocious wild animals and potholes leading to the ends of the earth, plus they’re after me. I don’t know who they are but they do. The further I get, the more I’m out of their reach, I won’t rest until I’m home safe and sound. I’ll walk day and night until I reach the safety of my front door.

Are you there God? It’s me, David

When you are troubled and you feel alone, attacked from all sides ( even your own mind), you feel isolated, you feel hopeless, everything is crashing down on you at once and you don’t know where to turn. It seems that no one is there, maybe because you pushed them away, maybe you need the space. But for whatever reason , you are alone and you mind is racing and you find yourself again in that dark place where nothing seems right and everyone is against you, your eyes red from lack of sleep, you feel the exhaustion of overthinking, your body is tense. It’s such an empty desolate feeling when you have to shut the whole world off just to breathe.  You’ve been suffocating, carrying the weight of the world and all you want to do into collapse into your bed in your own self-pity. Instead you collapse onto your knees, hands together, eyes closed. You find yourself talking to the one that never abandons you, no matter how bitter you were, no matter how much you turned from him; he was always there. You turn to God because there’s nothing left and in your darkest times is when he’s working the hardest in your life. You pray for strength, for guidance, you pray to forgive yourself and to forgive others; you ask God to bless them and give them everything you’d want in life; protection, love, happiness, success. And suddenly the attacks of your mind slow down, you feel a small sense of ease, your muscle relax and you unclench your teeth. Because I know that through this pain will come salvation and God will never abandon me, I just have to faith that when troubled times arrive soon comes miracles. Amen. 🙏

Looking at those old photos

Looking at old photos of myself past the age of 14, I have a vacant unemotional stare, smiling seems to be an impossible task, I’m completely broken, a shell of my former self, a lost sheep in a herd of tigers, I gave up on life.

I can’t look at these photos without feeling shards of emotional glass, ripping my heart into a million pieces.

These were my lost years, blurred memories; who was I? What was I feeling?

Hope had evaporated for me and I went wherever the wind took me.

I took so long for me to genuinely smile; to allow myself to be photographed.

Last night I cried, a mixture of sadness and joy, I thought of the many friends I had and how they cared, I thought about how much better I felt these days, I thought about the opportunities I had to help others. I thought of all the reasons I had to smile and that made me cry, healing tears streaming down my cheeks, no shame in that.

It’s been a long road but I can finally say that the hope is slowly coming back, so is the joy. And I can love and be loved. I have no other words to describe it except now I feel I can finally move on. 💜

 

A world that gone mad

Heartbroken, disillusioned, brutality with impunity.

A grieving nation, decades of abuse at the hands of glaring repression.

Some are wide awake and others are choosing to stay under the covers while those at the top remain silent, their own brand Miranda rights, one designed to fit their narrative.

Talking heads from the Television, fanning the flames of division and hatred, I choose not to pay attention to them, I see the images and I can draw my own conclusions, I’m disheartened.

I feel angry, everyone’s feeling it, it’s been at a boil for decades, the great society is falling apart at the seams. The honeymoon between lady liberty and I have long past ( If there ever was one, to begin with.) My hope and faith in her are no more, lost in my tears and frustration.

Love fails to reach us, hate has overtaken us, so much misunderstanding, so much distrust, total chaos, and destruction; only God was can help us now, 🙏❤✌