A world that gone mad

Heartbroken, disillusioned, brutality with impunity.

A grieving nation, decades of abuse at the hands of glaring repression.

Some are wide awake and others are choosing to stay under the covers while those at the top remain silent, their own brand Miranda rights, one designed to fit their narrative.

Talking heads from the Television, fanning the flames of division and hatred, I choose not to pay attention to them, I see the images and I can draw my own conclusions, I’m disheartened.

I feel angry, everyone’s feeling it, it’s been at a boil for decades, the great society is falling apart at the seams. The honeymoon between lady liberty and I have long past ( If there ever was one, to begin with.) My hope and faith in her are no more, lost in my tears and frustration.

Love fails to reach us, hate has overtaken us, so much misunderstanding, so much distrust, total chaos, and destruction; only God was can help us now, 🙏

beingzeejames_101479986_292596431901932_3195991740327296847_n

 

Evening music in the car seat ( memories)

I don’t know how old I am but I’m little, in the backseat of the car, my mom’s driving, it’s dusk and I’m looking out the window at the orange painted sky and those clouds, oh those clouds. We’re on 495 heading towards the airport, picking up dad. The Bee Gees are playing on the car radio, I think it’s “Night Fever”. I love this kind of music, it sounds like it was made in a faraway time in a different world. I let the music take me away and I’m lost with my head still staring out the window, the feet tapping to the beat.
We arrive at the airport and I’m awakened from my musical trance; elated, I run to my dad and give him a big hug, he’s wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt, he just came back from a business trip to Hawaii for the VA, I missed him, it was a long week without him. Music brings those memories to the surface. Circa 1987

 

Image may contain: 1 person, standing, stripes, child and indoor

Storms pass ( eventually)

I’m in the woods and the sky grows dark and the birds fly back to their nest

An eerie silence overtakes me, I hear the rumbling of the clouds and the sky lights up, my body shakes in fear.

A drop of water drips on my forehead, suddenly thousands of droplets of rain follow suit.

I’m drenched, I run for shelter, suddenly the rain stops, the dark clouds give way to sunshine and a voice out of nowhere softly says “Oh, little one, why so much fear? Storms always pass eventually, ride it out and be still” And now I can be at peace. Amen 🙏🙏🙏

 

Image may contain: David Aguilera, tree, sky, outdoor, closeup and nature

We are in this together

Fear overtakes me, I feel alone, stuck between these four walls; with only my anxious thoughts and the flickering lights of technology, my only window to a world that is increasingly shrinking, we are trapped in our cocoons or like a hamster in a cage; spinning that wheel just to stay sane.

Fear makes us on high alert and the answers to this puzzle fade into the contaminated air and the comfort of a hug or a pat on the back is lost, evaporated, just like our hopes.

But is there hope in this seemingly hopeless situation? The ship may be sinking but we are all in this together, holding on for dear life, we can comfort each other, erasing the division among us.

Right now, we are human beings, scared and suffering and we must love and care for each other, be a human life raft for others in the sea of disease and fear.

Love others with all of your might, comfort the sick and the anxious wrecks that are overcome with the uncertainly of an unpredictable world they cannot control.

I love you, sisters and brothers, together we will get to the shore safely if we practice precaution and love. I love you, stay safe and take care of yourselves.

 

Image may contain: David Aguilera, selfie, closeup and indoor

Martin Luther King day

I just went with my family on a walk to honor Martin Luther King, here I am with my dad. It was really powerful to recognize the power of Dr King and how he combated hate with love and non-violence.

After the walk, there were a few really good speakers and as we were walking back, I thanked one of them for his speech and told him how when I was a kid, I was different and picked on and read about Martin Luther King and Civil Rights and it resonated with me because I could understand what it was like to be singled out and treated differently and the story of Martin Luther King gave me the hope that you didn’t have react to those who hate you, you could love them instead.

I even wrote a book report about him when I was about 8 or 9, I’ll never forgot that. I was so emotional relaying this story to him because I realized that is why I am so outspoken against discrimination and bigotry, it hurts my heart to the core but thanks to Martin Luther King, the world is much kinder place than it used to be, there’s more unity and love and Martin Luther King will always be my hero. 💙

 

 

Image may contain: 1 person, possible text that says 'Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King, Jr. H erbs ealth appiness'

The silence of yesterday

A distant figure with a smile you could see for miles and a dye tie t-shirt. who I was too afraid to talk to and who I thought would never talk to me. It’s like it happened yesterday but it was so long ago, it’s was on my mind all week, butterflies in my stomach, a lump in my throat, shaking from perpetual nervous, Was this the right moment? No, too many people, here’s my chance, I walk up to her, she’s giving me a blank stare, I open my mouth to speak but all that comes out is silence, a silence so loud that everyone could hear, she looks confused, I hear the laughter of my critical peers, I am dumbfounded, I hang my head down in defeat, I run from this scene without looking back and hide for the safety of my poetry. 😔

Tears

As I work through my emotions and really start looking at them, the numbness fades and the floodgates of tears start streaming out, sometimes it’s sadness, sometimes it comes from gratitude, sometimes happiness and sometimes just the beauty of things, the firey dusk sky, a poignant scene in a film or a beautiful piece of music, I feel my eyes welling with tears at the simplicity of the small things in life, the things I missed when I felt so numb, now I feel deeply, crying is healing and I don’t have to explain or justify it is, I just have to accept it and be at peace with my watery eyes.. 😪

Somewhere out there

One day, I am going to find someone who likes me as much as I like them, someone who can look past my nervous foot-tapping and anxious sighs, someone that accepts for me for me, someone I can connect with, I don’t have wait in vain for a response because they’re always there, someone who’s there for me as much as I’m there for them, someone to laugh with and a shoulder to cry on when I need a friend, mutual smiles; give and take. I hope and pray that someone is out there somewhere, I’ve yet to find them but I have patience 

Dave

Compassion

Instead of reacting with anger, instead, come back with compassion and understanding. Sometimes a knee jerk emotional reaction kicks in when our buttons are pushed, and sometimes our emotions cloud our judgment and we say things that hurt, they cut like a knife, and when the smoke has cleared, we hang out heads in shame about the daggerish words we have used to cut others down, regret is a heavy consequence of this battle of words.

So instead of throwing salt on the wound, I choose love and compassion even though others may be blinded by rage and hurl treacherous words, They say these things because inside they are hurt, they are hurt because I’m finding ways to heal and they are still on the ground in agony. I choose not to hurt them any further. Because bitterness only serves as poison; eating away at my insides, it’s killing me and I just want the poison out of me. I want to love them; although they may hurt me.

We hurt others because we are hurt ourselves, I’m not better, I’m guilty of it, not a day goes by where in someway I haven’t hurt someone, either through my actions or my sharp tongue ( which is my own worst enemy) I pray for redemption and forgiveness. I am not perfect, father but I take comfort in the fact that no matter how far I stray from your path, you’ll lead me back and can give me the strength to have compassion when it seems so damn hard on some days.

 

Image may contain: David Aguilera, smiling, tree, sky and outdoor

My writing is published

I wanted to tell all of my followers that I submitted one of my poems to a writing website, it has been approved and they are going to publish it. I am not getting paid but this will give my writing more exposure, I am so excited right now because I have never published writing outside of my blog and social media. And I was really afraid of my piece being rejected but clearly it’s worth publishing to them.

 

I am so grateful for all of the support I have gotten from my blog and my social media platforms, I never in a million expected this. I wrote and continue to write for therapeutic reasons and I really didn’t think I would get such a positive response from sharing my writing.

 

I felt so alone for so many years and I kept my feelings inside; not expressing them for fear of judgement. I had so much hurt and pain, that I was just a broken person. But once I started writing, it became a flood of emotions and I wrote and wrote and wrote, I just needed to get it all out. And afterwards I was able to finally heal. And my purpose was to help myself but I had no idea that it was helping others as well, which warmed my heart, that my writing could encourage someone else to open with their feelings, that was never my original intent but words have power, don’t they?.

 

For everyone who has supported my writing and shown me love and understanding, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support means the world to me and you have given me the confidence to share my writing and grow as a writer. Thank you for coming along with me on my writing journey and I will continue to write, it’s an essential vitamin at this point.