A distant figure with a smile you could see for miles and a dye tie t-shirt. who I was too afraid to talk to and who I thought would never talk to me. It’s like it happened yesterday but it was so long ago, it’s was on my mind all week, butterflies in my stomach, a lump in my throat, shaking from perpetual nervous, Was this the right moment? No, too many people, here’s my chance, I walk up to her, she’s giving me a blank stare, I open my mouth to speak but all that comes out is silence, a silence so loud that everyone could hear, she looks confused, I hear the laughter of my critical peers, I am dumbfounded, I hang my head down in defeat, I run from this scene without looking back and hide for the safety of my poetry. 😔
As I work through my emotions and really start looking at them, the numbness fades and the floodgates of tears start streaming out, sometimes it’s sadness, sometimes it comes from gratitude, sometimes happiness and sometimes just the beauty of things, the firey dusk sky, a poignant scene in a film or a beautiful piece of music, I feel my eyes welling with tears at the simplicity of the small things in life, the things I missed when I felt so numb, now I feel deeply, crying is healing and I don’t have to explain or justify it is, I just have to accept it and be at peace with my watery eyes.. 😪
One day, I am going to find someone who likes me as much as I like them, someone who can look past my nervous foot-tapping and anxious sighs, someone that accepts for me for me, someone I can connect with, I don’t have wait in vain for a response because they’re always there, someone who’s there for me as much as I’m there for them, someone to laugh with and a shoulder to cry on when I need a friend, mutual smiles; give and take. I hope and pray that someone is out there somewhere, I’ve yet to find them but I have patience ❤
Instead of reacting with anger, instead, come back with compassion and understanding. Sometimes a knee jerk emotional reaction kicks in when our buttons are pushed, and sometimes our emotions cloud our judgment and we say things that hurt, they cut like a knife, and when the smoke has cleared, we hang out heads in shame about the daggerish words we have used to cut others down, regret is a heavy consequence of this battle of words.
So instead of throwing salt on the wound, I choose love and compassion even though others may be blinded by rage and hurl treacherous words, They say these things because inside they are hurt, they are hurt because I’m finding ways to heal and they are still on the ground in agony. I choose not to hurt them any further. Because bitterness only serves as poison; eating away at my insides, it’s killing me and I just want the poison out of me. I want to love them; although they may hurt me.
We hurt others because we are hurt ourselves, I’m not better, I’m guilty of it, not a day goes by where in someway I haven’t hurt someone, either through my actions or my sharp tongue ( which is my own worst enemy) I pray for redemption and forgiveness. I am not perfect, father but I take comfort in the fact that no matter how far I stray from your path, you’ll lead me back and can give me the strength to have compassion when it seems so damn hard on some days.
I wanted to tell all of my followers that I submitted one of my poems to a writing website, it has been approved and they are going to publish it. I am not getting paid but this will give my writing more exposure, I am so excited right now because I have never published writing outside of my blog and social media. And I was really afraid of my piece being rejected but clearly it’s worth publishing to them.
I am so grateful for all of the support I have gotten from my blog and my social media platforms, I never in a million expected this. I wrote and continue to write for therapeutic reasons and I really didn’t think I would get such a positive response from sharing my writing.
I felt so alone for so many years and I kept my feelings inside; not expressing them for fear of judgement. I had so much hurt and pain, that I was just a broken person. But once I started writing, it became a flood of emotions and I wrote and wrote and wrote, I just needed to get it all out. And afterwards I was able to finally heal. And my purpose was to help myself but I had no idea that it was helping others as well, which warmed my heart, that my writing could encourage someone else to open with their feelings, that was never my original intent but words have power, don’t they?.
For everyone who has supported my writing and shown me love and understanding, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support means the world to me and you have given me the confidence to share my writing and grow as a writer. Thank you for coming along with me on my writing journey and I will continue to write, it’s an essential vitamin at this point.
The future seems uncertain and the road I’m walking seems dark, full of potholes, it’s windy and I hear wild animals screaming my name.
I have no idea where this road leads but I can’t go back to where I am walking away from.
I shake from fear but I carry on, wherever this takes, I must finish this journey.
As I sit down to catch my breath, I find a a lit pen beside me on the grass, this pen will be my light that can help me combat the darkness as I walk this path.
Through the light, I can now see others beside me, they are on this road too. I never realized that they were there, the darkness hid their faces and I somehow failed to hear their footsteps alongside mine.
Now I take comfort in the fact that I am no longer walking alone. We may not be going to the same destination but at least we are on the same path.