I want to tell a story about a very special moment that I had when I was younger; it has been crossing my mind a lot lately when I think about people I’ve known in the past and why I feel so strongly about them. First let me say that when I was younger; I interacted much better with girls when I was in a large group. I always felt more comfortable with the girls; I felt they listened better and judged me less; although I was always nervous around the one’s I liked. I tried to talk to guys but I felt they never accepted me and saw me as weird; so I felt pushed aside. I remember this was this one girl in the group of kids I was around and we really got along; I pretty much grew up with her. She was always nice to me and I was happy to see her; I really liked talking to her; she was kind. I felt she was the only one who truly understood me; at times when I felt others talked down to me; she never did. When I was struggling with something; I talked to her; even when it was a girl I liked; I came to her for advice and she was really helpful. I suffered from a lot of depression and anxiety as a kid and it was really difficult to relate to people and I was oftentimes withdrawn; I just felt lonely so I needed to know I had friends. I recall one time she had a birthday party at the pool when I was 12 and she invited me; that meant so much to me since I didn’t have a lot of friends; I didn’t get invited to many parties and my home life was difficult at the time; just the fact that someone thought to invited made me accepted.
When my brother died; my mental health deteriorated and my depression worsened; I completely shut down and was impossible to reach. All I could do was talk about my brother and my depression; I think it was upsetting for a lot of people ( and understandably so) so they kept a healthy distance from me but I always found I could talk to my friend; who had pretty much become my favorite person in the group; I could tell she really cared about me and I need that so much at the time; just someone to listen; even if at times I felt uncomfortable sharing such personal feelings with her. I will never forget we were on a retreat and I was moping about something and she pulled me aside and asked what was wrong. I told her I was feeling down and she stopped for a second and she said “I want to tell you something”. She then told me she had depression and anxiety just like me. I was floored; it was a surreal and powerful moment. I had put all the people in the group on a pedastol; thinking I was the only one suffering from it and it made me feel so alone. And here was my friend telling me she had depression; I realized I wasn’t alone. I just listened to her and tried to show her empathy; this was a conversation I wasn’t prepared for. I think that moment created a strong bond between us and I then realized how blessed how I was to have this friend in my life; it was such a kind gesture. But I was also confused. Everyone I had met at that time who had depression and anxiety ( therapy groups, treatment centers) had obvious issues; they were out of control or visibly sad all the time, kids that were outcasts. And here was this girl who was very likable had no problems making friend and was normal in every other respect and yet she struggled with mental health just like me; it was hard to believe. It took a lot of courage to share that with me; I was about 17 at the time and she was 15; so we were still young and teenagers. But I will never forget that day.
Now we have grown up; she now has a family of her own. She lives far away from here but we still communicate online and she still is as supportive as ever; she is really sweet. I found myself messaging her (just like I did when were kids) when I was struggling about my brother and she was just as encouraging as in the past and it warmed my heart. Although I look back and wonder if I needed her friendship a whole lot more than she needed mine; I guess I’ll never know. When I went back home to visit; I was not able to see her. I hope she realizes how much she meant to me; maybe one day I might be able to see her again and tell her how blessed I was to have her as friend and how important that moment was.
Additional thoughts- The thing I want people to take from this story is that you never know how your kindness affects other and can be life changing for them. I, mean that was about 20 years ago and I still think about those days and how I was surrounded by this group of people that really loved me and do to this day. Not everyone is as lucky to have had such a supportive network. And I can honestly that since my brother died; I considered myself to be an only child by circumstance. But those people in a sense became my sisters and brothers and moms and dads ( alongside my own parents) and I love them dearly and make sure to share my writings with some of them; so they know how I feel and they all have been so responsive and supportive. So be kind to people because that could really make a difference in their lives that may be full of darkness. With that I am done with this post. Sending my followers positive vibes.
Dave