By the water

I sit by the water, peaceful I can be, trying to quite my mind, trying to find a place to find peace and be alone in my thoughts if just for a little while, and I should smile knowing life is good and I should thank god for moments like these, for nature, for love and his protection above. I sit in prayer without a care in the world enjoying the day, what I’m trying to say is life is short, live it, feel the sun, have fun, for me this poem has run out of steam and im done. Later 🙏

 

Image may contain: David Aguilera, smiling, tree, sky, outdoor, nature and water

Social anxiety in an extroverted world

 

I think most people who know me or have known me in the past would categorize me as a very shy person; painfully shy. I have extreme difficulties in social situations with large groups of people, I tend to freeze and become visibly anxious, i get overwhelmed with all different conversations going on; well I get lost. And I find myself drained and edging towards the door with hands in my pockets on my car keys, just waiting to make my exit, hoping no one will notice if I leave ( and they probably won’t). If I am talkative, there are two reasons for that. Either I am extremely nervous and I am just filling in the empty space, trying to make small talk and distract you from the fact that I am so nervous around all of these people. I think the more I talk, the more my nervousness shows. I end up saying something stupid and I regret it the minute I blurt it out. I could spend the next day beating myself up for saying the wrong thing and picturing your reaction when I walked way. Or you could be really lucky and I’m comfortable with you. Maybe I can sense you are kind and not talking down to me; you’re not judging me and willing to get to know me. And the only way I survive at large gatherings is to latch on to one or two people I’m comfortable with and talk to them all night. So I am a wreck with large groups of people but I thrive with one on one situations. I am not distracted by all the noise, I have that person’s full attention and I am more relaxed, funny how that works out.

I have always dreaded social situations and see myself and an introvert. I don’t like to be the center of attention, I don’t like big crowds or noisy places. I prefer to be safe at home and just thinking about the day’s events; trying to process all of the noise and conversation that my brain was hit with that day. It is exhausting to be me sometimes because I can’t drown out the noise; babies crying, car radios, loud shoppers, the TV blaring. All I want to do after a hard day is sit alone in my room, listen to music, write and communicate on social media. I don’t want to be a bar with a loud band, and people dancing ( dancing is an introvert’s kryptonite). I just need time by myself. The problem is we live in a society where the extrovert is the ideal personality; the life of the party, the person that is the center of attention, laughing loudly and having this confidence that everyone notices.Like In school they always want to make oral presentations in front of the whole class, like everyone is capable of that. Can’t I just write a paper instead? Why are you forcing me to be something I’m not. I want to be confident in my own way, I don’t want to be boastful or arrogant. What really gets me is the only way to meet people in this society is to go to bars or nightclubs that cater to extroverts, being an introvert in a nightclub is such a nightmare for me. Why can’t I just meet people at an art gallery or a poetry reading. Speaking of that why are there more bars and nightclubs than art galleries and coffee shops with poetry readings? Good question. Now if you excuse me, I am going to my room; by myself and you can’t follow me. Go away.