Shaming those who are highly sensitive

It really bothers me that there is so much shaming online ( particularly towards men) for being highly sensitive, it is seen a weakness by many and something that should be hidden away and replaced with being “tougher” and more “dominant” A lot of these videos tell others that no one likes a highly sensitive person, it’s an unattractive quality because people who are successful have to win at all costs and sensitive people are afraid to get what they want, this is a total lie and it only serves to hurt and shame us who ARE sensitive, we aren’t being emotional to seek attention, we genuinely want to connect with others and share our feelings openly and shouldn’t be shamed for it, it’s brain chemistry, it’s who we are. So never feel ashamed of being highly sensitive, embrace it and show it the world. Much love, Dave. 😍🌷

 

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Can I sit at the girls table?

I know most guys don’t want to sit at the girls table but do you mind if I sit here? I’d like to sit with the guys but they never talk to me; I try to be friendly but they just ignore me and I’m not really interested in sports or cars and that’s all they seem to talk about. I try so hard to relate those guys but I just can’t and so I stopped trying long ago. I accepted most of my friends are women and I’m OK with that. I don’t want to hit on you or ask for your number; I just want someone to talk to; I’ll ask you how your day was and we can talk about music or art or even writing; I’d love that. I love talking to the girls they are always more interesting than the guys and a whole lot nicer.   So can I sit here with you girls at this table? Thanks

The messages we send boys

Today was my day off and I decided to have breakfast at the diner close to my house; it’s really good and I can’t resist ordering pancakes.  I have noticed that everywhere I go; there is always a television pinned the wall and more often than not; it’s usually tuned into a sports channel; I seem to one of the few Americans not enamored with sports; it just doesn’t seem to interest me.  Even though I tried to ignore the television; I couldn’t help but look at since I was bored; I was alone; I had no notifications on my phone and I needed to be constantly entertained.

I glanced up and saw some segment about male solders coming home after battle and being greeted by their families and another one where families (women and children) are standing for the national anthem ( I never got the connection between the military/patriotism and sports).  I admit I am not the most patriotic person in the world but at the same time I appreciate the sacrifices that our military makes in making the world a safe place; I’m just quiet about it; I don’t believe in spectacles; in fact I see it as propaganda.  It makes you feel guilty if you aren’t constantly waving an American flag; with a support our troops stick on it.  As a male; the message seems to be you are less of a man if you aren’t in military and if you don’t support them; you are a horrible American.

A commercial break came on and mind you the TV was silent; I saw an ad for a cable company and it showed a few women; one of them was cooking and the other was shopping; it then showed a male watching sports on TV; with the text that read “TV for everyone”.   I shook my head in annoyance at the subtle and outdated messages about gender that media portrays; it has very narrow views of what it means to be a man where it gives women a lot of more roles.  Men are expected to be tough; non emotional and given roles such as military soldiers, sport stars and police men/firemen. I never see male artists or writers or activists being celebrated in the media.  And it makes me so sad because we forget about the sensitive men in this world or make art and make a difference in others lives; men who care for their children; men who stand up for the disenfranchised; men who help the sick and the disabled; they aren’t celebrated because having empathy for others is a considered a female trait for most.  It really bothers me because as a man I made to feel weak for being who I am. I try to be kind and gentle and am proud I write; just once I’d like to turn on the TV and see someone like me; someone I could relate to. I’m sure there are a lot of males who feel like I do; it’s a very lonely feeling and all you can do is slump back in your chair and continue eating your pancakes.

So while I was looking at the TV; I noticed a father and his son having breakfast  the kid was probably about 11 or 12. And it’s great to see a dad take his soon out for pancakes; that was so important to me as kid. But I thought about how this kid was interpreting  these messages at his age. Maybe he’s sensitive; maybe he likes to express himself and talk about his feelings. But he looks at the TV and sees that males don’t talk about their feelings; they are supposed to be tough; never cry; fighting in battle is something all men should do.  So he downplays all of those traits that aren’t masculine and emulates what a male is based on those subtle message radiating from the glow of the television.  I just think boys only get one image of masculinity and it creates this culture where if you are a boy and don’t fit in with what most people’s views are as a male; then you get ostracized and our culture at large and media plays a big role in that.  I think young males should learn that they should be able to have any interests they want ( even its considered feminine) and express themselves how they want without their masculinity being called into question.

I tend to read too much into things but I thought I myself as a young boy and I always liked girls; I had crushes with them at 6 or 7; never a cootie phase.  But I liked talking to girls more than boys; I thought they were nicer.  I remember talking to them on the playground more than males and sitting with them at lunch. But somehow down the line I got bullied by a lot of the boys in my class and I realized that hanging out with the girls; being too sensitive; expressing myself too much would make the bullying worse. So I tried to hid all of those non-masculine traits and I tried to be tough; I tried to play sports and not talk about drawing or writing; in hopes that they might accept me but they never did.  If I could I would have just been myself and try not to buy into the idea that boys should be this way and girls should be that way but I was kid; what did I know?  I hope we can get to a point where we as adults stop dictating to boys what a male is and let them choose their own version of masculinity.  So if a boy wants to be tough and play sports; great but it is equally important to let a boy be sensitive and creative and express him openly without telling him that only girls talk about their feelings.   I think there is room all sorts of roles for males. Don’t you think?

 

Being a highly sensitive person

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I saw this on my Facebook feed and I immediately knew I had to share it. Although I will say I find very interesting how sensitivity is mainly considered to be a female trait.  I made a post about this and a female friend that stated most men are just as sensitive as women but because we live in a society that sees highly sensitive men as weak; they hide it because they don’t have the maturity and lack to courage to admit it; I am in total agreement. For myself I am very proud to be a high sensitive man that has all of these traits. I am proud I am open about my feelings and I can be there for my friends. I am proud that I am one that wants to make a difference in this world. I am proud I am a good listener and people feel comfortable coming to me with their problems because I don’t judge them.  I am proud that I am highly creative and use my writing to help others. I am just happy that God made me this way; although for years I tried to be like all the other guys; tough and unflinching but now I embrace my sensitivity and it has gotten me closer to others and I am being true to myself. Sensitivity is a gift; never hide it.

Dave

Men have feelings too

Written as a facebook post

 

I hear some women say that men don’t have deep feelings or aren’t as emotional as women; men are less sensitive. I think that’s total bullshit. It’s not that men don’t have feelings; it’s that they are taught not to express emotions openly unless it’s anger; if a man is open with his feelings then he considered weak; so he represses all of those negative feelings; to keep up a front and appear tough even though he may be hurting inside. At times I wish wasn’t so open about my feelings and I could be tougher but I am who I am and I try to be proud of the fact I’m sensitive; I can cry in front of people and it’s ok. So it’s a pretty hurtful statement when people say men don’t have feelings. On one hand if we express our emotions openly including hurt and sadness; we are considered weak ( especially around other guys) but if we don’t talk about our feelings; we are deemed to be emotionaless; lacking sensitivity and compassion. Emotional unavailable they call it. Either way as men; we can’t win.

 

Understanding my feminine side

I tend to be someone who overthinks and analyzes every thought that comes to my head; lately I been thinking a lot about how I relate to others. I know it sounds incredibly self-centered to think about yourself so much but I think we are all guilty of that from time to time.  This is a subject I have talked about a lot but it’s the issue of gender and how I see myself in regards to that.  Whenever I find myself in group setting ( work included) I find myself gravitating towards women and not in a “I’m going to flirt with them” kind of way but more in a I just feel more comfortable with women; I am a pretty expressive person and I love to talk but I can’t find myself relating to men.  I don’t enjoy the banter ( why would you call someone by their last name?) and sports are boring to me. I’d rather talk about politics or my favorite album or movie and I question why I am the way I am. I feel this is deja vu because I have talked about this so much but it has been on my mind a lot lately.  When my brother died; I found it was the girls who listened to me and were concerned about how I was. It was almost a maternal thing or a sisterly kind of thing; I didn’t plan it like that but that’s the way it happened. And it is interesting; I have never had any sisters and wasn’t close to my mom; so I wasn’t surrounded by a female presence. I have told my female friends why I am this way and they say it’s great and it’s sweet etc; I appreciate it but it sets me apart.  When it comes to making female friends it works quite well and even online about 90% of people I talk to are women; I take pride in being able to relate to women.

I relate much less to men.  I am a very sensitive person; I like to write and talk about my feelings. I feel like when I am with other men; they are judging me; making assumptions and there are times where I wish I was just like them.  I wish I didn’t take everything to heart; I wish I had more male friends ( and saying just be more masculine is an idiotic statement and doesn’t work).  I also feel being overly emotional is disaster when it comes to dating; I can’t tell you how many women I have been hung up over the years; how many times I expressed too much of how I felt; misread signals; ended up hurt and unable to move on. I think women love sensitive men as friends but never want to date one; these thoughts run through my head all the time. I work in a warehouse in a department store and the men know their power tools, car, watch sports and I just stand in the corner with nothing to say; in a sense hating myself.

When I was younger I used to be sort of jealous of women; in the sense that had closer relationships; they talked more; spent more time together. These are not normal thoughts for a little boy but I had them. I wanted to have close guy friends but its girly to just sit around and talk and even writing this sounds so feminine and I cringe at my own words.  And I tried to play sports and be tough but I couldn’t be that; it never felt right.

And some may be reading this thinking maybe I’m questioning my sexuality; I know very well who I am and I have always liked women. I am just trying to understand why my brain works the way it does; why is my feminine side so much stronger.  I always feel that some look at how I relate to women as suspect when in reality there is no ulterior motive; those who know me are aware that my intentions are always good. I will say this that I didn’t always embrace my sensitive side but once I did; I felt a lot happier; I felt I didn’t have to suppress my emotions anymore and be someone I wasn’t. I just wish I could find more of a balance between the masculine and feminine side of me.

Thanks for listening

Dave

Can men relate to women?

Someone said to me today that men and women can’t talk to each other because they are like two different species. That guy couldn’t have been more wrong. Men and women can easily relate if men took the time to really listen to women and understand things from their perspective instead of trying to fix the problem or dominate the conversation. If some men would realize that women are not the only ones that can be sensitive and that talking about feelings and displaying empathy is a trait that everyone should have regardless of gender, maybe we can relate. If all of us could stop boxing each other in according to gender stereotypes we might just have a better understanding of each other. This applies to both men and women. Love peace and harmony, Dave

Masculinity

So I’m watching this documentary about masculinity and there is part about how young men are told not to express their feelings and they ended bottling it up and eventually some of them commit suicide because they have no one to talk to. Sadly I know this to be true from personal experience. Men, talk about your shit; tell someone, please. This is matter of you living or being dead. Fuck what anyone thinks; talk about it. If we don’t teach young men to talk about their feelings that is one of the results. and remember when someone takes their life its not just the person who died that is affected but their family and friends . We can do better; no we must do better..

Be a man

When you hear the phrase be a man, what does that mean to you? How does society define manliness?. From society’s standpoint being a man seems to be equated with being aggressive, powerful, taking charge whether it be in the bedroom or the boardroom. It means being tough when tragedy strikes; hiding the tears and never daring to speak about your feelings. Real men build things, put out fires, get touchdowns. Real men love their family by bringing home a paycheck and letting the little wife do the child rearing and cooking and cleaning the house. No hugs for dad, just a firm handshake. When a man doesn’t possess these qualities he is labeled as weak and not worthy of being called a man; he might as well be a woman. For you see in their eyes only women share their feelings, only women care for children the sick and the elderly; that’s never a man’s job. When men do possess qualities such as sharing their feelings, speaking up for social justice or at times can be emotional; then they are shunned by fellow men everywhere. Obviously this guy is not one of us. Even our interest in women is questioned. What they don’t realize is that we are more interested in women because we respect them, try to understand and relate to them and don’t see them as objects. Societies view on what constitutes a man is severely outdated and doesn’t apply in today’s world. In fact it is creating a generation of damaged young men. Men who never express their feelings and keep it bottled up inside until one day they explode. Why do you think we have so much violence in our society when aggressiveness is encouraged and problem solving is seen as something only women are capable of. We creating a generation of men who see women as objects because our media celebrates beauty over brains. Women are not seen for what they have to say but how much skin they can show. How do we expect young men to grow and respect women when these are the messages we are sending them?. We need to do better in raising better men; men who respect women and are open with their feelings and see women as equals who can do anything they can do (sometimes better) I leave you with this : Don’t be a man because you can’t be boxed in but be you and be proud to be you.

Thank you women

Thank you women for being strong and brave and speaking out. Thank you for being mothers, friends, sisters, teachers, wives, girlfriends and any other role you play. Thank for listening and understanding; because it’s appreciated. Thank you for raising children through unimaginable hardship. Thank you for nurturing them and loving those around you. Thank you for your humor and intelligence and never giving up in the face of so many obstacles. Thank you for being artists, writers, actresses and activists. Thank you for being sensitive but tough when you need to. Above all thank you for being you. You have a friend in me.