The love of Jesus

What hurts me the most is that he was a gentle man who preached love and tolerance, who taught us to forgive and love one another, to love our enemies and turn the other cheek when others hurt us and what did they do? They spat on him, they flogged him, mocked him; calling him King of the Jews. And when given a choice between letting this man of love go or two murderers, they chose the murderers. They then made him carry his own cross while continuing to mock him. He was nailed to the cross while those around him shouted ” If you are.the son of God, save yourself and come down from that cross”” all in a mocking tone. But he remained there until finally in a loud voice cried ” Lord why have you forsaken me?”. He could have easily avoided this fate, this pain and humiliation but it had to be done because he died for us, for our sins, so we could have enteral life. Even though he loved us and it needed to be done, the story hurts me so, the lack of humanity of this world. How we hurt the most gentle and loving persons and worship those that hurt others, are spiteful and do nothing to make this world a better place. Jesus is my savior and my friend and forever I will love him. Amen 🙏🙏🙏

When I’m in church

In church; I feel safe but at the same time out of place unsure and at times uncomfortable being there with mostly strangers. I feel more comfortable with the group I’m with; but less so with everyone else; maybe I’m not the only one who feels that way.  I look at the cross and the stain glass window of Jesus and I feel at peace; yet I still feel shamed at a sinful past and ask for God’s forgiveness; quietly in my own heart; he knows I’m sincere; I can tell him anything; he doesn’t judge.  I feel blessed that God is taking caring of me; working through the people I come across. I think of the dark times before God and I think about how he saved me from the abyss; total darkness; to the light; I feel myself choking up; verge on tears but not out of sadness but extreme joy; grateful to finally be able to attend church after years the inability to attend service; it ate away at me and I became bitter that I couldn’t spend time in a church community.   I look at the young people in the choir and it reminds me of the friends I made and the bond we continue to have; even as adults.  Again ,I find myself emotional but I hold back because I don’t want to make a scene.  I hope they grow up to be adults that are still in contact with each other; a church family is so important and you don’t really it’s importance until you get older.  So many emotions wrapped into one; sitting in those pews with the disabled ministry; feeling like they are new my church family. Apparently they are saying good things about me; that warms my heart; hugs from everyone and I realize that God has given me this opportunity  to cleanse my heart and make him proud by helping his most special children; those with developmental disabilities; I know he is smiling and so am I. As the service ends and I walk walk to talk to the pastor; I quickly glance up and quietly say to God; thank you. And I am on my way; recharged for the week; with the spirit in me.   Amen

The Advent tree at Church service today; so beautiful

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How do I define love?

This word keeps popping up in my head; the word love. Now when most people think of love; they immediately think of being in love ( which i have never had the pleasure of experiencing. )That mad passionate love that starts out strong but fades quickly; the long looks and embraces; that is their definition of love and that is fine. But they tend to discount the other kinds of love that are equally important. The love we have for our families; the love of friends; the love for someone in need; these are all important kinds of love. They may not be passionate but they sure last longer. We all need love; I know that is cliched but I think it’s true. When we don’t feel loved; we become cold and distant; devoid of experiencing being cared about. And there are people in this world who walk around feeling alone and unloved; and some of end up taking their lives because they feel no one cares for them; it’s a lonely world. To me, I define true love as accepting that person for who they are; being a part of their lives; investing in them; being there not just for the good times but the painful times. love can be simply just listening to a friend vent their sadness. Love means forgiving those that hurt us; we mess up; we say things we don’t mean; loving someone is seeing past the anger and realizing your friend or family member is hurting and that no matter what you will always be there for them. And love isn’t just reserved for friends, family and romantic partners. Love can be helping someone less fortunate than you; maybe spending the day with them; and realizing maybe you are the first person to spend time with them in years because no one took the time to know them. A lot of hateful people out there; i try to be beacon of love. I try to treat others with compassion because i know how good it feels to be loved and i also know what its like to the subject of ridicule. its hard to love everyone; its hard to forgive those that hurt us. How can i love someone who is sabotaging my day or rejects me in one way or another but i say to myself that if i want to be loved; i have to love others Christ calls me to do so and when I love everyone I feel good; that simple. I will say the most difficult thing to do is is tell someone I love them; its just awkward lol. I don’t go around telling everyone I know I love them; I just don’t do that. But i will end this by saying to all my readers whether i know you or not I love you! I hope that wasn’t too awkward..