Writing my first story

I am really enjoying writing my first story and I have no idea what is going to happen to the characters until I write it; so even I’m somewhat surprised every time I write.  I have all these ideas of how I want to continue the story and some of it is based on my own life experiences and feelings; in a sense the main character is based on me.   When I first began the story; I was really going to make it about one main character and every other person would be a supporting player so to speak.  I have managed to introduce several characters and give them personalities and a back story and hopefully plots of their own in the future. I really life writing and I feel fueled creatively.

I am also influenced by TV shows I have seen over the years. The whole story was inspired by an old unsolved mysteries segment about a real life event where a man woke up in the desert and had no idea who he was. He didn’t know his past or his family or even his name. Eventually he did found his identity and soon realized that he had a warrant out for his arrest because he stolen some frozen food ( along with their truck) from a company he had worked for. And of course these whole amnesia thing could have been a cover because he didn’t want to go to jail; I found it to be fascinating.  I also was influenced by the show Twin Peaks.  The show started with a dead girl washed up on the beach and the investigation that ensued. As the show went it became less solely focused on who killed the girl but more focused on the town’s people and the various subplots happening in the town of Twin Peaks. That’s where I want my story to go; I want the focus to be less on the original main character and more about the people around him; his amnesia is only catalyst to all these other non-related events.  It probably sounds confusing and convoluted but I really enjoy writing this way. It’s less of a book and more of a serial drama or soap opera.  This is exciting and I can’t wait to write more. Wish me luck


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How I have grown as a writer

I just finished backing up my blog; it took a long time and I finally got it done.   For the last year or so; I have been working on my old computer and I don’t have Word on it; so, everything was saved to my blog only and I was really concerned about losing everything. I finally managed to buy a new laptop for Christmas and was determined to get everything safe; in case (God forbid) something happened to my blog and I lost all of my writings; that would have been heartbreaking.  So right now, I am relieved to have everything saved; safe and sound.

As I was saving my writings, I noticed that I have written a whole lot since I started my blog in October 2017 (has it been that long?); 530 posts to be exact.  I sometimes would make 2 or 3 posts in a day; I had a lot to say; a lot of personal pain and memories I needed to get out; it was therapeutic.  My early writings are short but potent and raw, honest; full of anger, extreme sadness and a need to be understood.  It was the first time I had ever written these feelings and certainly the first time sharing them with an audience; I was risking being vulnerable and feared being judged about my posts; I wrote quite a few posts about the anxiety of sharing my writings online. I had been judged all my life and put down and wasn’t sure how people would react to my posts; I was surprised at the positive reactions I got; I didn’t expect it at first.  I was just happy people were reading my posts and could relate to them.


I look back at those writings and although I’m proud of all my posts; I can’t help feel somewhat embarrassed at my early writings. I hadn’t found my voice as a writer yet and while I was honest; I spoke about my feelings in metaphors. I wrote a poem about River Phoenix that was really about my brother that passed; I couldn’t bare to write how I felt about his death; I wasn’t ready yet. When talking about my anxieties about women; I wrote a poem about traffic lights and mixed signals; it’s a great poem but it wasn’t until I made posts about how exactly I was feeling (without the metaphors) could I really reach my audience in a major way.  So, while I wrote poetry; I also had raw honest posts about the death of my brother, childhood memories, my issues with mental health and disabilities. The more I wrote; the more confident I became; I stopped caring how my audience would react and just started writing from my heart. As I scrolled up; my blog posts got much better (in my opinion) I found better ways of articulating my feelings; my posts because longer and expressive and I could write about a different range of topics; with an air of confidence that I didn’t have in the beginning.

I learned a lot about myself in reading my posts throughout my writing journey; I see myself as a different person now; the writing helped me make sense of the past and cope with the present. It hurts to read some of those posts; some of the most painful things I have ever written and it was in public no less.  Sometimes I see a post and it makes me want to cry; other times I smile at my accomplishments and other times admittedly; I cringe.  I saw I’m proud but some posts I made were cliched and amateur but that’s how you get better, right?

I hope this past inspires new writers not to give up; to keep writing and to be honest; to grow as writers.   My tip is to write for yourself and hope it reaches someone; if you write (like I did in the beginning) and worry what others will think; your write will come across as authentic and the best writing is real; so be real; be yourself and keep posting; even if it’s multiple times a day.

So now I can sit back and relax; proud of this blog and grateful for all the amazing support of my followers; you guys have been amazing. I have had nothing but positivity on this blog (with some rare exceptions) and I appreciate all of you; your comments make the difference and give me the confidence and the privilege to call myself a writer. Thank for taking this journey with and will continue to blog for many years to come.


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I gained 1,000 followers on my Instagram

I am so excited that I now have gained over 1,000 followers to my Instagram page;   I am a part of both a wonderful writing and mental health community on Instagram. I have so much support on there and the ability to lend my support to others; it has been amazing; beyond anything I could have imagined a year ago.  If you can please take the time to follow me on instagram; I post often and am active in interacting with my followers.  Thank you



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I haven’t been ignoring my followers

I just want my followers to know that they haven’t been ignored by me. I am still trying to figure out this blogging thing and I could never figure out how to get instant notifications on my follower’s posts. I end up following so many people and I was using the reader; which is extremely overwhelming and half of the posts were from people who never interact with me; it was frustrating. I felt bad because people would react to my post immediately and I never get around to interacting with them on their page.  I want to be a part of a community and I wasn’t able to do that; I apologize. I wonder how many people who interacted with me unfollowed me because they thought I didn’t like their posts and never left likes or comments. Another part of the reason why I haven’t gotten notifications is that I mostly use wordpress on my deskstop; there is no way to enable notifications from there ( unless I missed something).  Anyways I just spent the last hour or so going through all my followers and those I follow and trying to enable notifications; it was a lot of profiles to go through. So anyways hopefully I can interact more with my followers and it won’t feel so one sided; me posting and getting likes and me never reciprocating.   I look forward to seeing all of your posts.



Sad news about my job

Well, the day before Christmas; one of my my supervisors ( the one gave me the review) at work called me in to talk to him. He informed me that they would no longer need me after the Christmas season and that I would be leaving at the end of the week. I kinda of expected it but I was a little upset that they chose the day after Christmas to tell me; it hurt.   But I did tell him that I had learning disabilities and I gave it my all because I really wanted to work there. He said he didn’t know that ( I am not sure if he couldn’t tell how much I struggled)  But he said I did a good job and I may get a call back to work there in March when there are more openings; so fingers crossed on that one.  I told a few co-workers about how I was being let go and they all said I was such a good worker and they were surprised.  One lady who was really kind hugged me and said “I’ll miss you sweetheart; I enjoyed working with you”; it felt nice to be appreciated. So I kind of was of moping to myself; feeling I was singled out and wondered what I was going to after this. I am trying to look at the bright side; this means I can go back to school and finish my degree and I can also spend more time with the disabled ministry.  I also planning on other volunteer opportunities while I look for another job. I also realized that I can write more and maybe attend some writing workshops that I could never make due to work. So yes, I’ll be alright; if I keep a positive attitude.  So while I was moping to myself one of my other co-workers who came in with me said she was also cut and then all of a sudden about 5 or 6 people said to me they were cut as well. I realized I wasn’t the only one and I felt less bad because they pretty much had cut everyone and  you know what, they all seemed to have a calm attitude about it.   I realized that everything was ok and not to worry.   Just wanted to update you guys; thank you for all support regarding the job; it means a lot


Merry Christmas

I just wanted to write a quick Christmas message to all of my followers; your love and support on this blog has been the best gift I could have asked for this year.  There are been some tough days and sometimes the only thing that got me through them was my writing and all of the supportive comments I have gotten on this blog; I am so grateful and I hope you all a very blessed Christmas; and I share your joy if this has been a good holiday season for you but I also share your pain if the holidays have been tough because I totally understand; the Christmas season has never been easy for me.  And to me Christmas isn’t about the gifts in the way some people may think; the gifts are being with family; being blessed with wonderful friends, my writing and having faith in God; that’s what Christmas is about to me.  I try to focus on God during this time of year and I give him all the credit; without his guidance I wouldn’t have the people in my life or the ability to write or my family; so he gets all the glory. Anyways have a safe Christmas; take care of yourselves and again thank you for following me on my writing journey.



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A year in review 2018

This has been such a wonderful year for me; a life changing year; really. I can’t even begin to describe or list all of the wonderful blessings I have had in 2018 but I am going to try. I started out the year still working at Sears and starting an internship related to my degree in developmental disabilities; it was actually kind of rough and I had doubts about my ability to work in the disability field; I had a lot of stress and anxiety and felt overworked with both my regular job and internship; I turned to only comfort I knew; prayer and my writing; I just had to go on faith that I’d get through this period in my life. I found myself turning to God more and more and growing in my faith; even if I couldn’t make it to church. And I was blessed to have so many caring and supportive friends on social media; it made such a huge difference; I really appreciated all the comments and messages from people. I felt I became a better writer as well ( and began calling myself one); I wrote blog post after blog post and it really helped me to cope with some of the anxiety I felt. My blog grew like crazy; it went from 300 or so followers to over 1200 followers in less than year; you don’t realize how grateful I am to ALL of my followers; just to know that people can relate to what I am saying; just vindicates all of these feelings I have had for years and I no longer feel as alone; this blog has been my saving grace. This is such a great community and not only did I connect with writers on my blog but my instagram has also grown and I connect with so many writers, mental health advocates, educators; its amazing. My social media feed is full of positive messages and I love interacting with people; it makes my day.

In 2018 I also was able to take a trip back to where I grew up; after not being there for 10 years. I left in 2008; feeling like I never wanted to go back home; too many painful memories. But I decided that I wanted to face the past and see my old friends; it was very emotional leading up to the trip; I was sort of reliving all of those memories and it hurt; and people around me didn’t understand it; so I kept it myself; I only expressed it through writing. I went back to DC in July of this year and stayed with a friend and I think a lot of the memories of the past came flooding back; I was gone for so long that I had forgotten what the area looked like and it was like being a tourist in my own city. But I did have a lot of fun; I saw many of my friends and family. They even had a welcome home party for me; which was crazy because all these people showed up and I just felt loved; to see those faces again was indescribable. I was happy but anxious at the same time; these are people I really care about and they all showed up to welcome me home; I think I was just overwhelmed; and I am already overwhelmed at social events to begin but it turned on out nice. I went back to my old church where I had spent a lot of time and I just broke down crying; thinking of all those memories; the good and the bad. It was painful but healing; I finally let go of all that pain and anger and sadness in a matter of minutes; it’s what I needed. And I feel God was watching over me the whole trip; comforting me. I will never forget that trip and I hope in 2019; I can come back again and hopefully it will be less emotional.

About 3 months; I finally had a Sunday off and I was able to attend church. They were talking about something called the Rainbow Ministry; which serves the needs of the developmental disabled in the community. I was impressed and I asked the pastor about it and he told me that he wanted me to be a part of this ministry. Before I knew it; I met with the leader and her daughter and we talked about volunteer opportunities. I helped with this lunch called “Feast with friends” which is where the young adults; make and serve lunch at the church; the crowd can be up to over 100 people on some days. I helped a young man dry dishes ( we make a great team by the way). I got to know all of the young adults and the volunteers and grew to care about them and I think they feel the same way about me. I started spending a lot of time with Rainbow; I went on a trip to the mountains with them and it was such a wonderful experience; I bonded with a lot of people. Again it helped grow in my faith in God and gave me a purpose; I no long felt as depressed or anxious. We have done activities at church and at the cabin in downtown Matthews; just a lot of fun. It was one of the biggest blessings of this year and it has changed me; I am different person because of this group and I only have God to thank for it. It also has given me more confidence that I can do well in the disability field; with the right guidance.

And lastly I recently just started a new job; my old job was closing it’s store and I had to scramble for a new job quick and by the grace of God; I found one and it has been so much better for me. I have about a 6 dollar raise, I am treated better; have better hours; am more productive and have so much pride in what I do. Yes, there are challenges but it wasn’t like at Sears where I got paid nothing, was treated terribly and it just made my anxiety and depression 10 times worse; I felt antagonized most of the time and I felt stagnant; I prayed for God to get me out of there and he delivered on that promise. I am so much happier in this new job and my confidence has increased; both as a worker and socially. It’s seasonal and I have anxiety about whether they will keep me or not but I leave it leave it God; it’s in his hands at this point. I work hard every day and can only do my best.

So yes, 2018 was a life changing year and sometimes I just sit back and I can’t believe all of the good things that have happened; it feels like a dream to me; like it’s not real. All the wonderful friends and people who have actually come to Charlotte to visit me. I get overwhelmed by the good things sometimes and I tell myself I have to take it a day at a time and learn to accept praise and love and to be easy on myself. I pray that in 2019; my life will continue to be good and I can grow as a person and hopefully help and inspire others; through my words and videos. Thank so much for all the support friends; you guys mean the world to me. Please take care of yourself in the year to come and I hope we continue to connect and support one another

Your friend,




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Blogging is hard work

Happy Sunday; I hope you guys are doing well. I wanted to take a break from emotional blogs or poetry and I just wanted to talk about blogging itself for a minute.  I have been blogging now for a little over a year and just recently gained over 1,000 followers ( which is pretty freakin unbelievable) and nowadays I take my blog very seriously and I’m pretty proud of it but at the end of the day; it takes a lot work.  I have a lot on my mind and I admit I am an obsessive writer; if I had time I’d probably be writing all day but thankfully for all of you I am employed and manage about 2 blogs a day; if I am really emotional 3 but that’s my limit.  That’s a lot considering most people are only posting every couple days; I guess I have a lot to say. You see, blogging is my therapy and I have this need to share my thoughts with the world ( whether they like it or not).  If I don’t write; my feelings get bottled up and my anxiety/depression worsens and I don’t want that.  So when my therapist asked what the reason for all these positive changes; I only had one response; my writing; it has been a lifesaver and a gift as well.

But managing this blog takes so much work; with so many followers and multiple blog posts; I get a lot of positive feedback through comments ( a lot!!) and I try to answer every comment on my blogs ( as opposed to a simple like).  And I do want to thank everyone for all the feedback because it really does make a difference in my life; I have the biggest smile when people tell me my words are helping them in someway.  All these years I thought I was alone; turns out people a lot of people feel the same way as me or been through similar experiences ( as sad as it is).  But anyways I work a job that takes a physical toll on me so at the end of the day; I don’t have the energy to answer all comments because I want to give them the best response I can. So I will answer comments every few days and in turn will go to their pages and like and comment there.  I don’t want to just receive comments and not interact with my followers. It’s sort of like on facebook where when I comment on someone’s post; I expect for them to respond promptly and hopefully comment and like my posts as well; it’s call interaction; that’s how it works.  Many people never respond to my comments or posts or messages and after awhile I figure they don’t want to communicate with me so I move on to someone else who actually wants to interact with me; I feel the same way about my blog.  But all of this is time consuming and requires energy; it sometimes feels like a chore; even though I do enjoy being on here.

So with my blog coupled with Facebook, Instagram ; I have never interacted with more people simultaneously in my life; it can exciting but overwhelming at the same time.  Depending on who I am talking to; it can be very emotional. And I am also not used to praise and I seem to be getting a lot of ( im not complaining btw lol); it’s just new to me.   I’m used to be treated bad in my offline life that this online persona I have ( where people respect me and are eager to hear what I say) is jarring; I feel like I have an audience; a platform to speak my mind and it has been just so incredible.  So right now I am going to continue to respond to all the comments the best I can and call it a night.   Thanks again for all your feedback; you guys rock



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What I’m listening to right now.  My 80’s kick

1,000 followers/ Thank you

I wanted to make a blog post because I am so excited that I have reached a milestone on my blog; I have now gained over 1,000 followers.  It’s actually my birthday tomorrow and this is the best gift I could have asked for. I never could have dreamed this when I created this blog a year ago; I had a handful of poems in a journal that I had felt comfortable enough to share publicly and that was it. I had no confidence as a writer;. I didn’t know how to write a poem or a blog post that someone would want to read. What would I write about? How honest could I be without turning my readers off especially those that have known me personally and what I’ve faced in the past. I was scared of how my friends who react to my writings; a lot of it was very raw, emotional and dealt with difficult subjects.; I didn’t want to upset them. Like I said earlier I first started sharing my writings on facebook; I started off writing poems that were about something difficult but disguised as something else; for example one of the first poems I wrote was about the late River Phoniex; in reality it was about my brother who died at a young age. I wasn’t able to really write how I was feeling at first but the more I wrote; the more honest I was able to be; as my friends started reacting positively.

I then decided I wanted to reach a bigger audience so I created a blog; I had never written on the internet before and there was a lot of fear how about people would react. I found right away that people were really responsive and positive; I found a community here. I slowly built up my blog; following new people; commenting; and I gained more followers. As I got feedback I improved and found that writing was very therapeutic; I could write about my whole life here; feelings I had never told anyone and people told me they could relate; it was an incredible feeling.

Here’s the thing about me I am a determined guy and I didn’t get 1,000 followers by waiting for people to follow me ; I went out and followed as many people as I could; networked; connected; told my friends and famiy about it; i promoted the hell of this blog because it means that much to me. Through writing I gained this increidble confidence that I have never had. I started to think that maybe someday I could write for a living. I started to see the power of writing; knowing that what i wrote could possibly help others; i never could have imagined that a year ago. So here I am at 1,000 followers and it’s surreal to me; I’ve never had 1,000 people follow me anywhere; what a journey its been.

I want to thank all of my followers for inspiring my writing; encouraging me; I love sharing my life with my readers; I love seeing your posts. Even though I have this many followers; I still check my blog mutiple times a day; I try to answer every comment with enthusiam; I enjoy interacting with others on here; it makes my day. The one thing I have learned is that we are not alone and by making these blogs and talking to each other; we have become a support network of sorts. I try to be humble and it’s hard to believe how kind people have been to me while I have been blogging. So again, thank you, friends because you are what makes this blog worth having. I really hope you have enjoyed my blog and maybe learned something along the way. I will continue my best to post my writings frequently and with the help of many others the blog can grow even more during the next year.
Thanks for reading, listening and following



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