I live in this culture but I don’t feel a part of it, I feel totally disconnected, disjointed, on the outside looking in, Alienated, discarded like yesterdays trash. I speak but my words get twisted and spit out into fits of indifference. my screams go unheard by the masses, sipping on their brews on monotony, droning on with their useless character assassinations of one another, while the waiter looks on with disgust.

And I watch from a safe distance, alone, wanting to be a part of but at the same time silently judging them for they know not what they do, they hate and they hurt and they lie and it’s become second nature, like breathing or placing the fingers furiously on the keyboard, churning out the inner ramblings of a mad man who neither fits nor is joined in this circus we call a society.

I will continue to float alone but content in being my own man,at least for time being.



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A Fourth of July poem

Where are the leaders, the ones that can fix this broken place full of broken people, broken promises, how can we mend this, I have a feeling glue might not be strong enough. when I see what’s happening around me and my blood boils and my skin gets hot, I can feel the anger rising in me, the hypocrisy and the lies and the hatred, my voice raspy from screaming and not feeling heard, seeing all the suffering caused by indifference of those who possess no empathy whatsoever, my heart breaks, my hands tremble, my heart races, the anxiety of it all. And when I speak, I’m shouted down and told I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m told my feelings are wrong, what I am seeing has become acceptable and I’m the intolerant one,  how dare I not tolerate families ripped apart, how dare I not tolerate unarmed children of a darker shade being murdered by those who were put in place to protect them, how dare I not be concerned when war is looming because those in our government instigates rogue leaders through late night tweets in a bathrobe, pacing around like a mad man, drink on the nightstand, one hand on the phone, the other on the remote tuned into the two minutes of hate, How dare I not tolerate the comments made by my fellow citizens that foreigners are illegals ( how can a human being illegal?) or the derogatory comments screamed by angry mobs about women, minorities, gays and anyone else who disagrees with their agenda. No, I can’t tolerate this, I won’t.  I will continue to speak my mind and I won’t be silenced because the freedom you hold so dear to your heart doesn’t just mean the freedom to express your views but it’s the freedom of all us including me to make my voice heard and no more. This ends now, it’s become intolerable. no more, I say.

When the violence hits home

Knowing that there was a school shooting right where I live is highly upsetting to me, gun violence makes me angry and I am frustrated so little is done from our goverment to stop the flow of guns and to make our country a safer place. Adding more guns to an already violent country only makes things worse. And yes, mental health is a part of the problem of some gun violence. And you know what, we need to ensure that everyone has access to not only general healthcare but mental healthcare as well. Let’s stop treating help for mental health as a luxury and treat it with the urgency it deserves. Sometimes when we are passionate about something, we are quick to anger and don’t always communicate in the nicest or most effective way. So for me, I have to calm down a minute and say how I feel in a most positive without the anger and that is what I am doing. I feel hurt that we live in a society that is so violent and that no measures our taken to ensure our safety. I am fearful of getting killed by going to the grocery store or church or a concert, I am tired of the violence and I feel powerless and I don’t know what to do and I don’t have an answer. I pray for this country that it can mend it’s ways and find a better path because we are in trouble, folks. We have a leader ( and millions of supporters) that does nothing about gun violence while every day people are getting shot when doing every day things ( like attending college). When does the madness end? Why is this country so violent and why does this upset me so?

Daydream nation

Is it me or does everyone seem asleep; they keep close their eyes closed and plug their ears to the fact that it hasn’t been this bad in years; they are playing on our fears and causing so many tears; it madness out there and no one seems to care;  everything is falling apart and  you start to think you’re alone in feeling this way; I ignore the news during the day and during the night all they do is argue and fight; no one wins and no one is right and I feel so tired of it all; the fall of a nation right before me; I can’t be the only that can see the writing on the wall;  these wounds we can’t mend and maybe it’s the end of us; what’s a man to do when he’s through with this daydream because nothing is at seems; this land of extremes and facist regimes; maybe when I wake up tomorrow……

Speak out

You gotta stand up for what’s right; you gotta fight with all your might and never let them out of your sight.

Never give up; never give in; when you quit; you don’t win and they persevere; they thrive on your fear.

If we don’t have our say they’re here to stay and with our votes we can make them go away and make this a better day.

But we have to make ourselves heard even when we’re bored with all the rhetoric and the lack of respect; we expect better from our leaders. We gotta be avid readers of the news and use it make a difference in this world and do something instead of staying at home curled in bed. So do you get the jest of what I’ve just said?



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Whatever happened to free speech?

I am really fearful about what I see and read in the news these days; it seems that free speech in this country is slowly being eradicated; particular since Donald Trump was elected ( I’m still wondering if this has been a bad dream and I haven’t woken up)  It scares me that the President of the United States is  calling news outlets “fake news’, refusing to answer questions from certain members of the press ( and their organizations), going after athletes and celebrities who dare to speak out on issues on injustice in our country even going as far as to say they should be fired.  This man and his cronies go against everything that makes America great; especially free speech. The freedom of expression is something we all should hold dear and never take for granted. We have the right to speak our minds when we see injustice; change doesn’t happen if people just accept what it is and not question it. If civil rights workers in the south didn’t fight and protest for the rights of black citizens ( and some cases die for the cause) then Jim Crow would still exist unchallenged.  If women didn’t take to the streets to demand the right to vote; then they still be denied their god given right to elected their leaders. If the disabled didn’t force their government to make handicap accessible buildings; they’d still be waiting on the curb unable to go to work because they can’t access the building. If gays didn’t riot on the streets of New York City outside of the Stonewall bar in 1969; they’d still be arrested for congregating together in nightclubs and bars. Protest is as American as apple pie I for one welcome it; nothing or no one is immune from criticism; including our flag, military, laws or way of life.

I am a history buff and the first thing dictators do is try to suppress free speech; it happened in Russia, Germany, Cuba and now here.  We need a free press that can keep the President, our goverment and the rest of society in check. Suppressing free speech means you are limited the many voices of free speech to one; whatever the dictator wants people to hear and see. And it amazes me that more people are not scared of this. Millions of people think that those who protest the flag or the military should be silenced or( as i said earlier) fired.  Don’t they realize that when you take away one person’s right to free speech; you are jeopardizing your own? If we are not careful then we might wake up one day and we no longer can speak our minds and someone will dictate to us what we can and cannot say. And when you find yourself in prison cell because you wrote an article speaking bad about the government then I hope you remember this blog. Because by the time free speech is gone; this post, blog and probably this whole site will be gone; shut down by a government that doesn’t tolerate free speech


Have a good day


The fear of Bilinguals

I am Cuban American and very proud of it; I am actually first generation Cuban American; which means I was the first of the generation to born in this country; I am proud of the culture; I am proud to be speak Spanish; it is something I hold close to my heart; especially the language; I taught myself Spanish to grow a better understanding of heritage. My mother is American so Spanish was not spoken in the home growing up, but when we visited my Grandparents ( which was a few times a week); Spanish was spoken because my Grandmother could not speak English; my father or grandfather had to be around to translate. For me I missed half of the conversation but it didn’t bother me; I got used to it. In fact I loved the way it sounded and was jealous I couldn’t speak it myself; they seemed to do it with such ease ( well obviously since it was their first language)  The only confusion I had was the fact that all the other people I heard speak Spanish looked much different than my family; I hadn’t yet realized that Latinos come in all shades          ( including me!)  So as a kid I learned that people had a right to speak whatever language they wanted; and no one had a right to force them to speak English. I learned not to feel threatened when another people spoke another language than me; it’s just an incentive to learn a new language ( you should never stop exploring different cultures)  So when I attempted to learn Spanish; I picked up on the accent well; mimicking how I heard my father and grandparents spoke; I am not perfect but I try to get the accent as authentic as possible. I am proud I taught myself the Spanish I know; it’s an incredible feeling to be able to speak another language; it’s like having a key; the ability to communicate with another person who can’t speak English.  But I found a few things frustrating; one was that since I didn’t look like the majority of people that spoke Spanish fluently; I was often ignored when I tried  to converse in Spanish; it hurt because like them; I was trying to better myself and learn a new language and they  were looking at my appearance; making assumptions; not realizing I have Hispanic heritage. I have talked to few other people like me and they run into the same problem. FYI: Hispanic isn’t a race.  Another problem I ran into was that non-speakers seemed to show great annoyance when you are conversing with someone in Spanish in front of them; I think they think you are talking about them when in reality you are practicing a language.  It’s interesting we seem to one of the few Western Societies ( The US) where there is such a disdain for those who speak different languages in public; I think a lot of it is based on ignorance and racism ( seems to go hand in hand). And most of the anger come from White Anglos who have trouble accepting anyone who isn’t exactly like them. In a lot of countries; learning a second language is a requirement;  but oh no not here.  We have a long history of hating immigrants from all cultures; it is a sad fact about the history of this country.  I was prompted to write this blog after reading about a customer in New York berating a waiter who spoke Spanish to a customer; threatening to deport the customer since in his ignorant mind; the customer was an illegal immigrant. Yes all Spanish speakers who dare to speak their language must be illegal, aliens, right? What kind of racist bullshit is that?  You know, this is a free country and they and I and anyone else can speak whatever the hell language we want to speak. If you don’t like; ignore it; or walk out if you are so upset. I would say to that guy ‘ Trying going to Korea for a few weeks and see if you can be fluent”  How would you feel if you walked into a restaurant in France and they demand you speak French and then accuse you of being in the country illegally; you’d throw a fit.  So shut up finish your meal in silence and walk out. I just don’t understand this hatred of immigrants; when this country was built on immigrants; escaping persecution.   This is something that really gets to be; being bilingual is a gift. You should be ashamed to only speak one language; not shame others. You should ashamed of being so ignorant to be mad at someone for speaking another language.  I am just glad someone called this jackass out on his shit; what a pendejo!



The politics of Facebook

I was fortunate enough to be off of Facebook for about 5 years which means I missed both Presidential elections since then ( Obama vs Romney and Trump vs Clinton)   I missed seeing endless political posts denouncing the opposing party ( why in a democracy do we only have 2 parties?) I miss seeing friendships ruined due to political arguments; oh Aunt Susie is no longer talking to Uncle Mike because he is a democrat who supports gun or control. Or cousin John told cousin Bill to piss off because he voted for Trump.  It happens all the time and when you read it out loud you realize how crazy it sounds. Facebook has turned into one huge cable news show and everyone has an opinion and they are always right.  When I left Facebook; everyone was talking about going to gym or what they had for dinner or that great new job and now it’s politics and it’s getting old.  I’m not annoyed about what party my friends are a part of; I am annoyed that they won’t shut the hell up about politics.  You will never win an argument on Facebook or Twitter; because you are behind a screen; you are safe. You can say the most insulting things and you won’t get your teeth knocked out.  So every discussion turns into an argument and everyone goes around in circles and everyone leaves upset and feeling unheard.  And any one who tries to interject reason into the conversation is either shut down or totally ignored and this has happened with people I know; not just random strangers.  And like my previous statement; I know this post will not change anyone’s minds and I am waiting for the insults in the comment section because it’s bound to happen.   I am just tired of the disrespect and the arguing; they are like children and they only hear what they want to hear. They surround themselves with like minded people who share their same views; they live in a political bubble and don’t have the patience to listen to anyone with opposing views.   And you notice I didn’t state what my views were and there are a few reason; I don’t believe in political parties and I want all sides to stop being obsessed about politics for a minute and I don’t talk about the weather or the game last night.   Just take a second; mellow out and leave the politics out of every discussion. Can we do that? Thanks


Why is America such a violent place?


I am at a point where I have stopped watching the news aside from skimming the headlines, because it is simply too depressing and I already struggle with my mental health. Everyday there seems to be another murder or assault. Almost every few months another mass shooting, or threats of a shooting or bombing; the violence never seems to end in this country.  There is so much anger and hate in our society that I struggle to understand where it all comes from.  Sometimes it’s an angry gun nut from the hills, other times a passing motorist in the city gets out his car and shoots someone for no apparent reason, or it’s the daily interactions in my personal life; that angry coworker who can’t stop slamming things or staring me down and I’ve yet to figure out what causes this rage.

The question is how did we get this way? I realize that anger is not exclusive to the United States but it seems ( At least in the West) that America seems to be such a hostile country.  A country that seems to hate anyone who is different; immigrants, gays, minorities, any group that doesn’t fit their “Ideal” America.  Anytime someone advocates with change in this country they are met with furious anger and threats. Just look at the history every person who called for peace and equality they were gunned down.  In an 18 year period, you had the murder of a President in broad daylight in front of hundreds of people ( including children) , the murder of countless civil rights leaders including Martin Luther King, Malcom X, Medgar Evers,  the murder of 3 student civil rights workers in Mississippi; then in 1968 the murder of JFK’s brother, Robert, as he was running for President, the murder of John Lennon (  A musician and someone who spoke out for peace) and the attempted assassination of President Reagan   So the violence isn’t new, we have a long history of it.

I look at other Western nations; particularly Europe;and I ask myself how they manage to pass and enforce strict gun control and also have hate speech laws making racists accountable for their ugly statements against minorities.   I am not saying Europe or any other nation is perfect and they have their share of violence, but I am saying is that in America the violence seems to go unabided.  The President will get on television say he is with the family and we are mourning, but takes no action to address the fact that guns are too easily accessible or to question the violent nature of our country. Congress refuses to enact any legislation that will take guns away from ordinary citizens even when school children are being gunned down in massive numbers.

I am not saying we should get rid of guns because I know that would never happen, I am saying that no one needs an AR-15 for protection. I am saying that parents and children shouldn’t have to live in fear when they send their children off to school in the morning.  I was doing training at work and one of the modules was about an active shoot situation and I thought to myself, only in this country. We are so violent that we are learned to accept this as a part of life, I wonder if they have these modules in Europe or Canada. I am just so sick of all this damn violence and I feel hopeless and I just don’t know what to do. I mean, there are so many of us pleading for the government to do something and they remain silent, while children are dying; literally. And what is their answer to the gun violence? It’s mental health issue and maybe we should arm teachers. Great idea. That’s like saying we have a drug problem in our community and the only way to solve this is to add more drugs; complete madness, devoid of logic.   I agree that mental health plays a role in these mass shootings but it takes a gun to kill people ( in fact the only purpose of a gun is to kill).  Without the gun, the mentally ill person can’t shoot anyone.  I don’t have anything left to say but living in this country feels hopeless and the only solution to escape the violence is to leave; I wish I could. I wish I had the money and resources so I could leave forever, there is no reason to stay here. I certainly wouldn’t want to raise a child in such a hateful and violent country, where I’d have an anxiety attack every time my child would leave the house.   Lastly I know a lot of people will disagree with my statements but if you can refrain from violent threats and trolling that would be much appreciated. I know you disagree with me but there is no call to be hateful about it.

Peace, love and harmony,



How many more have to die? ( A plea for peace, love and help)

How many more have to die, how many more mothers have to cry; seeing their children lay lifeless on the pavement from a gunshot wound, we need your help and we need it soon. They are helpless children in a Godless world, a girl mourning for her friends, the violence never ends and all you can do is send thoughts and prayers, a society that doesn’t care about those laying dead and ignoring what all of us have said about guns, hasn’t enough damage been done? When will people wake up from this dream, it seems nothing will ever change and I get angrier as I age, at this moment I am filled with rage that our lawmakers do nothing as innocent people die, I can’t figure out why they allow this happen, it saddens me to no end. In the US of A we have to live in fear, not here in this so called free land; it makes me so sad, so mad. No words left today to say but there has to be a way to solve this, this can’t go on unabided, so I’ve decided to the only thing I know how to do and that write in hopes I might change at least one person’s mind and we can find a solution.

Peace, love and Harmony,