I hate being different; I don’t want to stand out from the crowd, I want to fit in like everyone else, you know, normal. I want to be able to navigate through social mazes with ease, plastering on the smile, keeping the conversation going with mindless small talk about the weather or the game ( must learn about sports, everyone seems like like it)
In order to appear normal, I have to refrain from talking about my own interests, which others respond with disdain and boredom, that never feels good, in fact I feel small and I want to go home. But if I must meet people, I have to be normal or at least appear normal.
No one likes people that are too different, they get pushed aside and ignored. The question is : must I be normal to shake off this “otherness”. I am lonely and if I have to be someone I’m not to make friends, than so be it.
I have to be like them or else they’ll never fully accept me. I know, you may say this is bullshit or negative but these thoughts are a constant source of anxiety, they feel real and I write this because someone out there has the same script in their head.
I learning to accept my uniqueness because only through honesty, being myself, can I make friends worth having. There is no such thing as normal, it’s subjective and frankly boring.
Normal isn’t fun, it doesn’t laugh unless it’s at the expense of someone else. Normal is ordinary, when you want to be extraordinary. I am far from normal and I’ve accepted that. I can finally be happy and so will you when you accept yourself and toss the notion of normalcy into the garbage disposal ❤