How I have grown as a writer

I just finished backing up my blog; it took a long time and I finally got it done.   For the last year or so; I have been working on my old computer and I don’t have Word on it; so, everything was saved to my blog only and I was really concerned about losing everything. I finally managed to buy a new laptop for Christmas and was determined to get everything safe; in case (God forbid) something happened to my blog and I lost all of my writings; that would have been heartbreaking.  So right now, I am relieved to have everything saved; safe and sound.

As I was saving my writings, I noticed that I have written a whole lot since I started my blog in October 2017 (has it been that long?); 530 posts to be exact.  I sometimes would make 2 or 3 posts in a day; I had a lot to say; a lot of personal pain and memories I needed to get out; it was therapeutic.  My early writings are short but potent and raw, honest; full of anger, extreme sadness and a need to be understood.  It was the first time I had ever written these feelings and certainly the first time sharing them with an audience; I was risking being vulnerable and feared being judged about my posts; I wrote quite a few posts about the anxiety of sharing my writings online. I had been judged all my life and put down and wasn’t sure how people would react to my posts; I was surprised at the positive reactions I got; I didn’t expect it at first.  I was just happy people were reading my posts and could relate to them.

 

I look back at those writings and although I’m proud of all my posts; I can’t help feel somewhat embarrassed at my early writings. I hadn’t found my voice as a writer yet and while I was honest; I spoke about my feelings in metaphors. I wrote a poem about River Phoenix that was really about my brother that passed; I couldn’t bare to write how I felt about his death; I wasn’t ready yet. When talking about my anxieties about women; I wrote a poem about traffic lights and mixed signals; it’s a great poem but it wasn’t until I made posts about how exactly I was feeling (without the metaphors) could I really reach my audience in a major way.  So, while I wrote poetry; I also had raw honest posts about the death of my brother, childhood memories, my issues with mental health and disabilities. The more I wrote; the more confident I became; I stopped caring how my audience would react and just started writing from my heart. As I scrolled up; my blog posts got much better (in my opinion) I found better ways of articulating my feelings; my posts because longer and expressive and I could write about a different range of topics; with an air of confidence that I didn’t have in the beginning.

I learned a lot about myself in reading my posts throughout my writing journey; I see myself as a different person now; the writing helped me make sense of the past and cope with the present. It hurts to read some of those posts; some of the most painful things I have ever written and it was in public no less.  Sometimes I see a post and it makes me want to cry; other times I smile at my accomplishments and other times admittedly; I cringe.  I saw I’m proud but some posts I made were cliched and amateur but that’s how you get better, right?

I hope this past inspires new writers not to give up; to keep writing and to be honest; to grow as writers.   My tip is to write for yourself and hope it reaches someone; if you write (like I did in the beginning) and worry what others will think; your write will come across as authentic and the best writing is real; so be real; be yourself and keep posting; even if it’s multiple times a day.

So now I can sit back and relax; proud of this blog and grateful for all the amazing support of my followers; you guys have been amazing. I have had nothing but positivity on this blog (with some rare exceptions) and I appreciate all of you; your comments make the difference and give me the confidence and the privilege to call myself a writer. Thank for taking this journey with and will continue to blog for many years to come.

 

Image may contain: David Aguilera, smiling, closeup

 

 

15 thoughts on “How I have grown as a writer

  1. Blogging, to me, is very much like therapy. In writing about (and sharing) our thoughts and feelings we become able to make sense of and accept them. The support on here is overwhelmingly positive and it’s such a great community. Keep writing x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey! Congrats on evolving your blog. It’s definitely a big accomplishment! When I first started my blog (May 2017) (Has it really been this long?!!?) xD , I would spend HOURS on my writings/ writing on other people’s blogs. I really wanted to connect with other people who could relate to ME. It’s been a while since I wrote anything to others, so I am trying to pick up where I left off and I think it’ll take some work lol but I hope I find myself in my writing again.

    Good luck to you! I hope you continue to do what you love to do and not care what other people think.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, you will see how you have grown, looking back at your posts and too right you should be proud. You have benefited from writing and I bet the readers found it helpful too.

    WordPress is certainly a lovely supportive community and I am glad you have found that.

    I haven’t looked back at much of my old posts now, but one day I will for a reflective blog post. Like you, some of my posts will still feel painful to read, as well as seeing how I have come along. But I know I have come along too and some readers have reminded me on how far I have come too.
    I was hoping to do a reflective post sometime this year and maybe it will still happen, but with other things going on, for me it won’t be best doing yet

    Many more blogging years to you. Plenty more journeys for you yet to share, should you wish to.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Early writing tends to be emotional because that’s mainly what a beginning writer has. Years of life experiences can build up to a point where they need release, so that’s where a writer starts. A lot of my early writing was emotionally wrought, but since I started writing in the pre-internet days, all those youthful scribblings were written by pen on paper, and then filed away in my sliding steel cabinet never to be seen again.
    F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote an excellent essay about this subject. It was originally a letter to cousin of his who wanted to be a writer, and he explained to her that developing characters and pacing stories can take years of practice to learn, but authentic emotion is something the amateur writer has from the beginning. My sympathies for the loss of your brother.
    Ever forward.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right; I was so emotional because I had so much to say and had been holding it in for so many years. I wrote about memory and feelings and it was very therapeutic for me. Now I am finding that I write about the pain of the past less and when I go write about past events; its somehow related to the present day. I appreciate the comment and the support

      Liked by 1 person

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