When I’m in church

In church; I feel safe but at the same time out of place unsure and at times uncomfortable being there with mostly strangers. I feel more comfortable with the group I’m with; but less so with everyone else; maybe I’m not the only one who feels that way.  I look at the cross and the stain glass window of Jesus and I feel at peace; yet I still feel shamed at a sinful past and ask for God’s forgiveness; quietly in my own heart; he knows I’m sincere; I can tell him anything; he doesn’t judge.  I feel blessed that God is taking caring of me; working through the people I come across. I think of the dark times before God and I think about how he saved me from the abyss; total darkness; to the light; I feel myself choking up; verge on tears but not out of sadness but extreme joy; grateful to finally be able to attend church after years the inability to attend service; it ate away at me and I became bitter that I couldn’t spend time in a church community.   I look at the young people in the choir and it reminds me of the friends I made and the bond we continue to have; even as adults.  Again ,I find myself emotional but I hold back because I don’t want to make a scene.  I hope they grow up to be adults that are still in contact with each other; a church family is so important and you don’t really it’s importance until you get older.  So many emotions wrapped into one; sitting in those pews with the disabled ministry; feeling like they are new my church family. Apparently they are saying good things about me; that warms my heart; hugs from everyone and I realize that God has given me this opportunity  to cleanse my heart and make him proud by helping his most special children; those with developmental disabilities; I know he is smiling and so am I. As the service ends and I walk walk to talk to the pastor; I quickly glance up and quietly say to God; thank you. And I am on my way; recharged for the week; with the spirit in me.   Amen

The Advent tree at Church service today; so beautiful

Image may contain: christmas tree and indoor

 

 

9 thoughts on “When I’m in church

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