Well today I am supposed to hear back from Costco about starting the job and I am awaiting the result of the background ( I have no criminal record and have never failed a background check) I passed the drug test and they said they’d contact me this week about starting orientation; I was hoping to start as soon as possible so I could avoid working Thanksgiving. I am also just ready to leave my old job; I’ve pretty much stopped caring at this point; in a sense they broke me and I am just exhausted from being there. I thought of it as almost being in a prison; knowing you’re going to be released in a week and that’s the longest week of your whole sentence because you know you’re leaving and you are just staring at the calendar; obsessing about the days you can finally walk out and never come back; that’s exactly how I feel.
So I am at my most anxious when I am waiting for anything that requires urgency ( phone call, email text) and I always go through this little anxiety attack in my head and that tape loop; they won’t call; you won’t get the job; maybe your current job will say you aren’t a good worker etc; over and over and again. I’m just visibly anxious; my legs feel like they are shaking at 100 miles mph and I am just tapping my fingers in frustration. I hate this anxiety so much because I have tried every which way to calm myself and remind myself that more often than I do get a call back; the anxiousness persists. I figured I wanted to write about my anxiety as it was happened so someone might get an idea of the feelings I have during this heightened state of anxiety. Even when I send a simple text; I got through this sort of script in my head and I don’t calm down until the person texts me back or I give up and realize they aren’t going to talk to me. That is why I only like people who respond to messages promptly because that way I know they want to talk to me and don’t keep me waiting. I’m pretty I’m not the only one all this anxiety but it certainly feels like I’m alone with this most of the time. Well I am going to get something to eat and take a shower; maybe that will calm my nerves. And I won’t make another post about this until I hear back from Costco and start officially working there. Thank you so much for the support friends; I really need it on some days