Work anxiety

Today was just such a bad day at work; I feel overwhelmed and depressed beyond belief that I am going to lose my job and I am having difficulty just dealing with other people;  I feel tired and anxious all the time; it has really affected my mental health because it is such a negative work environment.  Sometimes I feel like the environment plays just as much of a role in my depression/anxiety as a chemical imbalance does. What makes matters worse is I know most people are off on Sundays; they get to go to church and relax and just enjoy their day; I have to work in this terrible place and frankly I feel trapped.  I decided to write down a stream of thoughts during an anxiety anxiety. I am hoping someone can read it and relate and I can make sense of my thoughts. I am writing exactly what I wrote on my phone.

Overwhelmed and overstimulated.  This Christmas music at work. Store packed and the customers don’t stop. So anxious right now and my depression seems to be getting worse as the store gets near to the end. I feel angry and have no patience for niceties. Can’t even have a lunch break without being bombarded by loud people who need the television on at all times. Can’t I have quiet while I’m on my break? Is that so much to ask? Maybe it’s being on the spectrum but i am so mentally drained. I just want them to shut off the music and give my ears and brain a rest. Again is that so much to ask? I don’t think it is. I feel like I’m losing it here and I need to contact my therapist and talk this out; maybe she can help me.  I check my phone for a sign of support from my social media and my blog; it’s my window to the world. I feel shut out from the world here; I feel like nothing; like I have no value. God give me some reprieve; get me the fuck out of here because this is killing me spiritually, mentally and emotionally.  Help me NOW; this is soul crushing and I’m better and smarter than this.

I write this in hopes that someone in a similar situation can relate to this; it’s jumbled and negative but those are thoughts that go through my head when I’m extremely anxious; I just feel trapped and hopeless and writing is my only refuge when I feel alone.  I truly believe that kind this of anxiety has some to do with depression itself but it’s mostly the environment and my inability to cope with it. I wish I had better coping skills at work. I try praying; I seek out support online while I’m there but I’m still at work. I’m still in this crowded noisy environment and I’m stuck here all day. I just tell myself that it will be over in 2 months and if I just write it out  I’ll feel better; it’s the only healthy coping skill I have at the moment. Thanks to all my followers that have been supportive so far; I really appreciate your comments and know that I will get through this on the other side.

Thanks for listening to my crazy rant

Dave

Some music to calm me down after a stressful day