Went on the suicide awareness walk

Yesterday I went with my parents on a suicide to awareness walk to honor my brother, other members of my family and a friend/coworker that took his life on the anniversary of my brother’s death.  I was so anxious about this walk;it has been on my mind since I registered over a month ago.  I wasn’t quite sure how I’d react or how emotionally I would be. My brother died over 20 years but the pain is still there and I have been effected greatly by it; I often write about and reach out to my friends who knew my brother.  I was a little sad because none of my friends live in the area and it would have meant so if they could have walked with me ( although I am not sure if they’d be comfortable with that).  Sometimes I feel so alone because I’m so far away from them but by the grace of God I communicate with them online and that makes a huge difference in my healing; I know they loved my brother and they love me as well; I am blessed to have that support.

It was a cold and rainy day and I was worried; it might impact the walk. But I decided rain or shine we going to go on that walk to honor my brother. So we got to the walk site and I wasn’t as emotional as I thought I would be. My sleep has not been good lately and I was really tired and sort of out of it.  But there were so many people there; with a loud speaker directing people where to go.  There were a lot of booths; one to register; one with different beads; relating to my relationship to the person that took their lives. They were selling t-shirts and armbands. I even noticed a lot of people with dogs stating “I’m walking for____”; it was a big crowd.

We made a walk around the city; we passed by the baseball and football stadium.  My dad noticed a woman with a t-shirt that had a quote about mental illness and that there was no shame in it.  I asked her about her shirt and she said she had a blog; I couldn’t believe it; a fellow writer. We talked for a bit and I told her I had a blog as well; it was incredible; she seemed really nice.  I told my dad that I was sad because there were so many people there; he didn’t get it at first. I explained it was sad that this huge crowd were affected by suicide; all these years I thought we were the only ones because no one talks about it and people seem uncomfortable when I bring it up; so I feel uneasy when I talk about my brother and almost ashamed as well.  Overall it was a nice walk and I knew my brother would be happy that we were honoring.  When we got back to the site; I put up a poem I made for my brother. As we were heading for the parking the deck; the sun came back out and it warmed up again. I knew it was my brother smiling and giving us a sign that he was ok.  It was a touching moment. I am hurt he is not here but at least I know he is safe and with God.  I am so happy I went on this walk despite the preceding anxiety and the fact I feel disappointed that no one could show up; it worked out well in the end.  Things always work out for the best when we have faith.

 

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23 thoughts on “Went on the suicide awareness walk

  1. Being part of that walk was good for you. Hurtful as well but the good it did seeing all of those people helps you realize you are not alone. There is comfort in knowing someone else has had the same tragedy other than your own family. I had an uncle that committed suicide so I understand what the family goes through. Hand in there and let God hold you. He will help you with your pain.

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  2. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I’m glad you were able to honor your brother in this way. When going through hard times it’s encouraging to talk to others that have experienced the same trials. I look forward to the time when we’re all reunited with the loved ones we’ve lost by suicide in God’s Kingdom (John 5:28,29; Revelation 21:3,4). Until then may you continue to find comfort in events like this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At first it hurt to share my feelings about my brother but now I see it as healing and I hope what I write can help others who may have been through the same thing. The walk was incredible; it was also healing to honor my brother and friend who took their lives. Thank you so much for the beautiful comment

      Liked by 1 person

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