Learning to serve others ( An Update)

It’s been about a week or more since I’ve written; which is a lot for me; and I have been too tired and busy to write but I wanted to give you guys an update.  Things are going very well right now and I’m trying to stay positive even though sometimes I find myself depressed and anxious; working a job I hate and feeling lonely can be difficult but I feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am continuing my volunteer work with the disability ministry and it has been wonderful.  I really get along with both the young adult with disabilities and the volunteers running the organization; I can tell there is a lot of love there and people really care for one another; after working in such a negative environment; this is a welcome relief.  They paired me with a young adult with disabilities; he washes dishes; I dry. To be honest I have so much fun talking with this dude that it doesn’t feel at all like at work. Not only am I connecting with the volunteers and the young adults but also with other members of the church; this is perfect since I work Sundays and never make it to service; which is a real drag, you know.  To me people with disabilities are some of the kindest; least judgmental people I have ever been around; they’re easier to get along with than some non-disabled people; that is for sure. It doesn’t take much for them to be your friend; just be nice to them and treat with respect and they’ll accept you; you can’t say that about most people.  I feel God has placed this opportunity in my life and I’m running with this; it is such a positive thing for me when life has been so hard for the longest time.

I admit I can be a pretty self centered person; lost in my own thoughts and needs.  I can be self obsessive and I endlessly throw myself pity parties and complain about the things in life I can’t control but yet when I am helping others; I forget about myself after awhile and I feel a boost in my mood.  I love to make people smile and I smile in return. It’s nice to feel needed and be around people who want to make a difference; I am not getting a grade or a paycheck so there’s no pressure; I’m doing it out of the goodness of my heart and I think that is what God calls me to do.  This is the best cure for depression and certainly for chronic loneliness; to connect with others in a positive way; if only everyone knew about this; the world might be a better place.

We had a get together and to be honest; those kinds of things make me nervous. I’m never good around large groups of people; I get anxious and lost in all the noise and chatter around me. I am not the best at keeping up with conversations and I often feel ignored or misunderstood so I leave frustrated.  But for whatever reason this get together had about 30 or 40 people ( some I knew from the lunch crew) made me less anxious.  The lady who ran gave me a big hug and said ” I am so glad you could make it; it’s good to see you”; I felt really welcome unlike most social events.  And I was able to meet some of the other volunteers;; one guy was in the same program at college as me and he was telling how bad it had become and I explained my terrible experience at my internship and how this organization was much more positive; he agreed. It really is a difference from my internship where I didn’t feel welcome and all I saw was support workers bark orders at clients and treat me with disdain; this ministry is a world of difference. They had a huge house and we all had dinner and I got to know people; it was nice to talk to them. I was impressed about how much they cared for the young adults with disabilities; they weren’t clients but more like friends; even family I might say.  This is what I’ve been praying for all these years; something in the here and now I can focus on; instead of relics from the past. I walked out feeling really good and optimistic.

There is only one down side to all of this. I feel an almost high; an elation after working with this group but then I had to go back to work; which is negative and brooding; noisy; dirty and full of people who just don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves; reality. But all of it is jarring; two polar opposites; feeling incredible one night and going to work in the morning and feeling like nothing again; it makes me terribly depressed; hopeless even. I know I have to get a paycheck but does it have to be so damn difficult; why is it so negative and how do i cope because someday I feel like I am going to lose it.  I am holding to this group as the only positive thing I have going for me right now. It’s not much but it’s a start.

Thanks for listening



Image may contain: David Aguilera


7 thoughts on “Learning to serve others ( An Update)

  1. This line you wrote: “This is the best cure for depression and certainly for chronic loneliness; to connect with others in a positive way; if only everyone knew about this; the world might be a better place.” <– so beautiful! And so true. I'm sorry that you have to go back to work — to that other reality that is negative and seems harsh, but I'm glad you've found a place for joy. Stay with that feeling. Stay in that space — even while you're milling around at "work" around the negativity. Be excited about the next time you'll be around those great folk again. You are NOT alone. I've been exactly where you're at. I hear you. And I know a lot of others understand exactly what you're saying. Sharing this has truly walked me through a moment I was having. I'm here, working right now, doing something I loathe — and I took a break to read some blog posting and BAM, there you were/are! And you reminded me about joy. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you so much — and don't forget what I said, you are NOT alone. Sending you a big hug of thanks! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  2. So glad to hear the positiveness from your volunteering role and glad you enjoy it, or love it, as it sounds.
    Remember this positiveness in your life and that it is sometimes to look forward to each week. So glad you are able to do something that helps you while you help others.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Glad you had a great experience. I would try to volunteer as much as time allowed. Maybe you could make connections to a paying job. At least part time. I enjoy your posts and am sending good vibes. Keep it up, take care!

    Liked by 1 person

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