Trauma

 

I was talking to someone the other day we were talking about the Kavanaugh hearing; I missed a good deal of it ,but I saw some highlights online. But he mentioned how they kept asking Dr Ford about details of the night when she was allegedly assaulted and she kept saying she couldn’t remember details. And people are so quick to say she isn’t telling the truth or maybe it was someone who attacked her but it wasn’t Brett Kavanaugh because she can’t recall every single moment of this traumatic event. And it their callous attitude towards her that shows they have a complete lack of empathy about someone having to relive such a painful experience. I want to say that I have never been sexually assaulted; I have no idea what the pain of that is like, but I understand trauma very well. When that policeman came to my house and informed us that my brother was dead ; that was trauma; my life changed forever. The whole day is a blur; I can remember some things like being whisked away to the park and coming back and seeing all my friends there but that’s it. I have no idea what they said or if what I said to them; or if I even talked to them at all. So if someone asked what happened that day in detail I couldn’t tell them anything from that day; except being confused and angry. Trauma comes in many shapes and forms and affects people differently. And here’s the thing: trauma doesn’t go away; whether I talk about it or don’t talk about it; I’ll always have that trauma and I can’t get over it and shutting down only makes it worse. And so even if you haven’t experienced trauma first hand; you can see someone in pain and feel for them and try to put yourself in their shoes. You can do that, right?.

So why is it so hard for others to believe someone that is so clearly traumatized by this event that Dr Ford went through? Why do we judge so harshly and doubt this person. Why? Because she can’t tell every single little detail after the attack? She was nearly raped and you expect to or her to tell you who she talked to next; who drove her home; how long she was in the room until she escaped? You have to be kidding me. This young girl was traumatized; scared out of her mind; confused; probably in a state of an anxiety attack ( and those are very really by the way) with her heart pounding out of her chest. That is trauma and if you can’t have empathy for someone like that; than I don’t know what to tell you.

I know it is very difficult for me every time I write about my trauma ( although I feel better after) I can’t imagine someone dismissing what happened to me or minimizing ; saying it wasn’t as bad as I remember. How do you know? You weren’t there; inside my head; knowing what I was feeling. I used to think that if you hadn’t been through that trauma you have no right to talk about it; I don’t think that way anymore. I think we all need to talk about these things because it’s healing but as long as its done from a place of love and compassion. I made an earlier post about how someone had told me my brother’s death was an accident and how angry that made me. Other people have messaged me saying how much they cared about my brother and they miss him and how his death affected them. You see that is a difference. That asshole in Baltimore was saying this to me because he was insensitive cruel person ( and fortunately that has rarely happened) With the other people talking about my brother; it is out of love and not malice. Just listening to Dr Ford’s testimony and hearing the fear in her voice and the effect it has had on her 36 years later; I instantly knew that this woman had trauma and this hearing was making it worse; it was heartbreaking to watch. It’s heartbreaking how we treat each other sometimes; I think we can do better.

Dave

18 thoughts on “Trauma

  1. I agree with you. I was raped on a date at age 20 and vividly recall some details but not others. Also, it’s possible that Kavanaugh honestly doesn’t remember a whole bunch of partying events from his teens and twenties bc he was raging drunk at the time.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. He sounded like a real jerk to me. But I am so sorry you were assaulted. As sad as I am about the fact that were raped; I am also infuriated that so many take advantage of women. I hope you have found peace with this and thank you for sharing this with me; that was very brave. You have my respect, friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Dave!
    I happen to remember a lot of each sexual abuse from the time I was molested at 4 years old up until I was 26. Five of those times I was raped against my will. I don’t feel like baring my soul right now so I will write another time. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. What a great post, I was raped at 12 and can remember every detail but that doesn’t make her story less credible than mines. Hell, I wish I could forget that day, thanks for understanding!
    Wishing you well😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh my friend, that is terrible. I am so sorry that happened to you. Most of my friends are female and does hurt that men have behaved this way towards them. I hope you been able to come to terms with what happened. Trauma is very difficult and not everyone gets that; clearly a lot of people have never been through true trauma and lack empathy. All you can do is forgive them because they don’t know any better. Take care, Dave

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I enjoyed your post on the Ford/Kavanaugh hearing, and trauma in general.
    We are way past due for a change in society’s understanding of trauma and memory. I hold out hope the tide is changing.
    Your voice is part of that change.
    Thank you for that.

    Liked by 1 person

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