I am completely exhausted; I just finished taking my first extended vacation on my own; I planned it; made all the arrangements and financed it. I traveled on my own and stayed with a friend for a week; I was visiting where I had grown up. I’m pretty proud of myself and I feel independent; when usually I am overly reliant on others in many ways. I have been living where I have been living for over 10 years and I found it depressing that in all that time I had never left the city limits; due to many issues such as my health, lack of funds but a lot of it had to do with fear. I fear driving long distances by myself; I fear getting lost; I worry about the amount of rest stops I might need to take; just a lot of fear; some of it valid; some of it not.
I am taking today to rest and I was thinking about social media and how isolated I feel; the more isolated I am; the more I tend to overshare or exaggerate small successes in my life. I realized a lot of things when I visited back home;this trip opened my eyes to trying to rebuild my life where I am; as opposed to living in the past and on social media. I want to live life; and not a life I can use as a post but real life experiences that can help me grow as a person and learn about the world that surrounds me; instead of living in my little cocoon of a 25 mile radius. I want to meet new and interesting people; I want to join a writers group; I want to see art exhibits; I want to learn as much I can; never stop learn; that’s what I say!.
I have this craving to get in my car and just drive; even if I’m by myself ( which will be most likely the case) to the mountains for a day or two; take a 3 hour drive and stay in a motel or something; anything to get out of the mundane existence of living day to day. I took the train all the way back home and I realized I could go anywhere. I could go to Charleston, I could go to New York, I could take a plane to LA and just walk around Sunset blvd, look at the Hollywood stars on the sidewalk; enjoying the warm California weather and looking at the palm tress swaying in the breeze. I need to see what’s out there and once I got a taste of freedom; this could be my ticket out of here; anywhere. I knew this trip could be life changing but I didn’t know how. By facing the past and accepting reality, I can finally move on and start living life starting now….