As I stated earlier, I just finished up a very stressful internship that seemed to be never ending. I have to say that these last few months from the end of November to now has been some one of the most chaotic periods in my life. I work in retail and the holiday season was hectic; I was working 40-50 hours on my feet; sometimes closing and coming in early in the morning; which for my up and moods is just the worst thing that could happen; it was exhausting; not to mention the increase in customer traffic and orders; just absolute insanity. I was so caught up in working a full time schedule that it was difficult to attempt to return to school. Through working a full week; I had to find an agency to complete my internship at; sometimes I’d email the school and have to wait a full week or two for a reply; as time was dwindling. Or I’d contact the agency and they would take forever in responding; so i had to email and call ( while having a job where I couldn’t really make phone calls) until I finally got an answer. I finally was able to secure an internship and sign up for classes; it was stressful as and at times I felt like throwing in the towel; and accepting I was going to work in retail forever. I also didn’t have time to meet with a school counselor or find an agency that best suited me so I got whoever was going to accept me as an intern; if I had the luxury of shopping around I may have had a better experience. So after the Christmas season ended; I only had a week before school started and that was spent still working my regular job; so no Christmas break for me. While I saw all my friends take vacations and spend the holidays with their families; I was working my ass off while they sat by the fire drinking coffee and enjoying the festivities; I did have actual Christmas day off but I missed Christmas eve service because I had to work that day. Oh and to top it off I had come in early the day after Christmas; because of all the lovely customers who can’t go a day without shopping. Can you tell I love them? Anyways I started my internship literally after Christmas. At first I was relieved because I wouldn’t be working nights or doing turnarounds but I soon realized that I was working 6 days a week with a short day for school. I worked Mon, Thurs, Sat and Sun and did my internship Tues and Fri and went to class on Wednesday; I had never been that busy in my life. It felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions; playing different roles. Helping the disabled one day; on my feet for 8 hours in a warehouse the next; it was jarring and not to mention tiring. My sleep was way off; which isn’t great for the emotional state. My anxiety has been sky high and there’s a reason; I just haven’t had the rest I need and I think before you tell people that you have anxiety; you have to explain your circumstances. I’m not anxious because I’m sitting at home in my pajamas worrying how no one likes me. I’m running around like a crazy person; going from one end of the city to the other; everyday; feeling dismissed and unappreciated and feeling no one gives a shit; that’s why i’m anxious. I’m anxious because I haven’t sleep 8 hours in probably six months. I’m anxious because this is all new to me and I’m dealing with it on my own; having been rejected by a therapist who I trusted. So if my blogs seem erratic; it’s because I’m erratic but it’s over for the moment. I going to get some well deserved rest; I am to take care of myself; I am going to get back to praying and get back in touch with God; I am going back home to see my friends who I care about so much. So thank you to everyone has put with my crazy posts over the last few months; I did the best I could considering how difficult things were. I’m just glad it’s over and I get to calm state. Deep breaths…….
Published by revolutionarymusings
Hello, my name is Dave. I love to write, it is my passion, I try to be vulnerable and honest in all of my posts. I hope to use writing to make a difference in the lives of others and help myself in the process; this blog has been very therapeutic and I can't believe I never took the time to write in the " about me" section. I am not a professional writer but it would be a dream of mine to be published. Please take the time to read this blog and feel free to comment anytime. View all posts by revolutionarymusings