Written at 2 am while reading multiple blogs
I have this thing where I constantly compare myself to others; and writing is no different. Sometimes I may look at someone else’s blog and see the like or the comments and see it as a competition. As if thinking to myself where doesn’t my writing resonate with that amount of people or how come I can’t write poetry that doesn’t rhyme. I have no training whatsoever in writing so I just say whatever is in my heart at the moment. For me I can’t write about happiness or positivity and I can’t give advice because I’m mired in a constant state of depression and anxiety; I can’t wish myself out of it with a stupid inspirational quote I found off of instagram ( although I’m guilty of posting those). I am not selling a book or a t-shirt; I write because it’s therapeutic and I’m looking to find support. But I do like feedback; I do hope my writing is touching people; that’s always the goal to help people through writing; I just know for a lot of people it’s difficult to relate to my experiences; and maybe they are going through their feed and liking my writing without taking in what I am saying; I have no idea. It’s late at night and I should have been in bed an hour ago but I have nowhere to go tomorrow and I do my best writing at night. I know I need to stop comparing myself to others and be who I am; write in my voice; if some don’t get that; well I don’t know what to say. To my readers I am one of the most honest mother____r’s you’ll ever meet. I don’t hold back; I don’t sugarcoat; I tell you exactly how I am feeling and that scares the hell out of people who don’t how to deal with such raw honesty. When you ask me how I am; I am going to tell you. It took me a long time to even label myself as writer; because I thought writers you know; got a paycheck; sat in an office; sipping tea and writing a novel. I write all of my stuff on my phone in the middle of a workshift and I edit when I get home. I don’t have the luxury like some bloggers to sit in a nice coffee house and really create a detailed poem about rivers and trees because that’s not where I’m at; I’m coming from a painful place and writing is a safe way to express what I can’t do out loud. I can’t write like anyone else but myself, obviously. So thanks to all that actually read and comment on my blogs; I appreciate it. This post didn’t win me any fans but does it matter.
Thank for kind of listening
Late night tunes