I think a lot about how I can better accept others and to love people unconditionally. I strive to be someone who treats people with dignity and compassion; it’s something I pride myself on. But I think much less about accepting myself, which is something I struggle with on a frequent basis. I was bullied at a young age and I think it had a ripple effect in my adult years. I admit that I don’t think highly of myself, I don’t like the way I look; with my curly hair and big nose. I hate the sound of my voice; it is too feminine and I think people think I am something I am not; as accepting as I am, it’s something I’m self conscious about. Whether it be how I speak or my mannerisms; I just don’t fit society’s view of what masculinity is, which is part of the reason why relationships with women have been so difficult; just a lack of confidence especially how about I’m perceived. Not only is it my outward appearance but I am very sensitive inwardly. I am a total introvert and I rather be watching documentaries, writing or listening to music than to go to a basketball game or get wasted at a bar on a Friday night. Most so called masculine men are extroverts, chatting up the ladies at the club or pumping iron at the gym, I know I feel the pains of envy every time I workout. I just feel inferior especially among men. I say, why can’t I be that guy?
I can’t believe I am saying this out loud to people but i have hated myself almost all my life but lately I am slowly learning to accept myself. As I write and connect with others, I gain confidence and I like the guy in the mirror. He’s is looking better and better each day and it’s because I am starting to embrace the things that I used to hate about myself. I say to myself, so what if you are feminine in thinking, doesn’t make you less of a man, in fact you have something most men don’t have; the ability to relate to women on their level. When I write, I mostly get feedback from women and I realize I am communicating with them on a deep level, a depth that most men wish they had, that’s a skill; be proud of it. I think women appreciate sensitive men, more so than my fellow males and to be honest I’d much rather be talking to females than a bunch of other dudes. I’m beginning to like myself and gaining confidence; it feels good. I don’t want people to think I am big headed because I am humble, I just think of myself more highly these days. I see photos of myself now and compare myself to a few years back and I just look better. I take better care of myself, I smile, simply I’m just happier and I think people around are starting to notice. I never realized that confidence can actually make you more attractive. This is a journey and the end goal is to be able to love and accept myself completely. I am not there yet, but I am working on it. I say to anyone reading this: Accept yourself, your opinion is the only opinion that matters. Don’t let others dictate who you are or let yourself be defined by the mistakes you made in the past. You are who you are, and you are beautiful. If you want to be accepted, you have to first accept yourself.
I included a picture of myself because I have the confidence to do so and I accept myself for who I am.